Sounder SIGN UP FOR FREE
The Parrsitivity Podcast
The Parrsitivity Podcast

Episode 63 · 2 years ago

The Parrsitivity Podcast Episode 40 Ahmad Sarfaraz

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

This is our 3rd Podcast together of our weekly series on the Parrsitivity Podcast. Todays topics are Fear & Active listening. Ahmad Sarfaraz is a motivational speaker, coach, mentor, Professor. https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarfaraz-ahmad-bbb11058 --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/the-parrsitivity-podcast/message

Hi, welcome to the passers podcast. On today's episode and with Saffras, this is our food podcast together of a weekly podcast. So we do and today's topics that we discuss our fear and active listening and why active listening is an important, crucial part of life. So I hope you enjoyed this podcast. Sit Back, relax and enjoy. So far. As are you doing your own? Hello, hi, hid, evening, Adam. How will you today? Yeah, good, Oh, good, chows. Oh good, are we you? You're right. I'm sorry. So I'm all good. Can you hear me? Okay, yeah, I can hear you. Find Yeah, yeah, I'm more good. I'm on. Finally, are you OK? Yeah, I'm good. Thank you for asking. So how is the weather today? Today it's the fifty days of lockdown in India. Oh Wow, so so that's that's the that's the biggest point point of concern now where people are thinking when they want to get out of home? How about their yeah, the weather's where's quite nice. where I am today in Corma. Of the minute and our kind of restrictions of kind of be's that. He's a little bit. So we'll see how long I last. Four if things go well, but you're allowed to think see someone from another household if you socially distance. I think they've they've opened up golf clubs and a few things like that. So they just kind of easing it a little bit. But there's a lot of confusion with the prime minister, because he was saying, you know, if you need to go to work, use public transport, if you if you, if that's your any method, but advising people not to go to work if they can't. So it's like a mixed message. A lot of people confused. So, like we talked last week about mental illness. Now I just read it on BBC Today, the the newspaper, that you know, that people are getting mentally ill now in all around the world. Yeah, it's yeah, I mean it's you know, it's Baffin. Is Because of, you know, all of this happening. You know, people have been afraid. You know, a lot of fear.

That's the reason. Yeah, that's the reason. We picked up this topic of fear and now, while we are in touch, while we are reading and watching things on the television, what we realize is that, you know, everybody is fearful. What do you say? Yeah, I completely agree. Like I'd say, some people are more scared than others. I think, you know, to some some degree we are all kind of, you know, experiencing some kind of level of anxiety with it, because you know, there's no vaccine yet and there's you know, the media published that people can die from it. So you know, nobody wants to die. So there's our element. So is the fear. I mean the topic we picked up is this fear to die, for you to be alone. I fear to a lot of things. Fee for doing anything. I'm in trying anything out of the box. Yeah, I would say, you know, fear as a whole really, because there's so many links to feel, like you said. But you know, I think fear, you know, it can have lots of different effects and I think it can prevent people from taken action. It takes people out of the moment. You know, we feel sorry, as if we are fearful for everything happening in the world. All of a sudden, every day is a new day. We hear something different, I mean news coming up from around the corners of the world and you know, I saw a something on television last night that, you know, gasoline is out in one in one of the countries in South America I'm in, a doctor had to sleep in his car online and had to perform a rectal, you know, surgery in the morning. Just imagine what's happening. M Yeah, it's it's a situation some possib worldly, you know, tough for the other countries. Every day people are being more fearful and you know, it's just imagine what happens if somebody takes away your cell phone today, I mean, everybody's addicted to the cell phone right. I was reading about this. This is when no more phobia, like, you know, if you are to lose an access to your phone. I mean what happened? If somebody takes your phone away? Just imagine the kind of addiction the phone and we human beings are. What will happen at yeah, I've experienced that myself. I've lost my phone. Sometimes I don't know where it is, and you know, it's like, yeah, we're kind of so reliance on our devices because they they contain so much of our information. They have lost of our social contacts. Panic like way my phone. Yeah, it's,...

...you know, hits of anxiety. It's like what if you lose you wallet, I mean phone, has taken more importance than I wantt yeah, yeah, I'd say so of me. You know, maybe our phones, you can you know, I've got my bank card on my phone, so I can use it by fence everyone that. So it's yeah, there's a definitely a lot of anxiety, fair through, you know, like you can't find your phone, and through not being able to use it, like a lot of kids who addicted to their devices, phone, if I mean, have you seen mother's feeding their kids while they watch, you know, some sort of things on the Youtube on their smartphones? I mean, that is a wrong message that this we are giving to the society. I mean kids are getting addicted to cell phones when they are kids and eventually the demand of asking for a new phone or a phone will increase as the age progresses. I mean in class five or standard five, the last perfones don't do think so. Yeah, no, I agree, and I I think is wrong. You know, like Ke young kids are given device. I mean, this is my opinion. Every one's going to, you know, pick differently, but I think it's a bit of a risk personal, personal, you know, conversation. So it's like it's there everybody's seeing it, that it exists. You know, in these society it's right them, man. I mean kids are having an access to devices at a very young age, which is not right. I mean, this never happened before. And what's going to happen in the future? Can you predict the future? What's going to happen? I think it's gonna increase. I think, you know, like we were seeing how it is now. It's very rare. I mean, I've worked in restaurants and hotels, so I've seen a lot of people. Families come in with their kids and you see them the phones to the kids and they're busy eating and talking. Yeah, yeah, I've seen. I've seen two extremes, to be honest. I've seen where, you know, families have come in and they've given their kid their ipod or their phone and then the moment dad are on their phone. Or does it mean like if we snatch away the phone from the kids hand, the kid will start crying? Yeah, it's I've seen it many times and it's an addiction because, you know, fear of not having that phone is normal. For me, I would say it's become a yeah, I think it's something that we're automatically unaware of. It's something that we rely on so much and we're not even a we're not less. I were not aware that we're addicted to our phone. It makes sense absolutely, as nobody accepts it. What do you do? Like, let me ask you this question. What do you do anywhere up in the morning? Do you touch your phone immediately or you plan you to...

...and then you touch your phone? I I'd say nine times out of turn, I probably go with my phone. So yeah, we go. I mean, imagine the conversation gets so you know, lively that we have life experiences from our own life related to anybody else. Like this is what fear is. I mean, like today, fears become a word that exists in, I think, in everybody, in every house, and it's hard to accept. But then you start, you start realizing that you're fearful for things and then you become you know, you have anxiety and you become a stressed and you know, and that's one thing we talked in our past conversations as well, that you need to talk out. I mean, I fear. I think a solution to fear is is talking out what's wrong with you. Correct yeah, yeah, no, I mussively think you're right and I think you know from my own experiences of a anxiety in, you know, fair in the past. What I help may I mean everyone is different, but what helped me was talking, talking about it. And you know fear. Fear can, you know, suck and drain your energy. It can stop even doing things. It can stem from a lot of stuff. You can stem from past experiences, like something bad might have happened, and then you've developed. People developed beliefs about a situation, about all about themselves. They then don't want to go into that situation again. That makes sense. They're scared. HMM. It's quite it's quite a big factor. That's connected to so many different things. And you, like you said, with a smart phone and technology, people getting in their comfort zone because they're staying at home and staying at screens that they're engaging more socially, probably on the phone, then they are real life. So then they're lacking confidence and scared about talking to people. So how do people get over this sphere? I mean, you know your fearful potting. How do we get over it? Because there is eating the society and we know it and we still avoid it. And so how do we find a way out of it? You can fear is going to lead to more of anxiety, more of stress. I mean, tomorrow we are going for a new beginning, we have a different kind of world in front of us. And then if we are fearful about thinking, come out of our homes being filful, how would it affect somebody? What is it? The way out of it? How do we get out of this term called fear from our lives when we get out of lockdown? That's good question. I would say probably, you know, reassuring ourselves that you...

...know, we're okay. You know, maybe it depends where we are off. And isn't it like, you know, if you're in a busy place, you're going to be more scared if you're in a busy place compared to somewhere where it's not as busy? Yeah, something even talking at public places, at restaurants, they're ordering something or anywhere. I mean, people have a lot of different, you know, different kind of fears and it's hard to, you know, you find out what to do with it. So what do you suggest? Do we think? Do you think that if we talk out you know, I express HMM, and share this somebody, like to your friend. I mean people don't go to appearance as like that. You know, difference in India and then where you sitting in the UK. So I think friends could be a good solution out of it. Did you get out of it by speaking with somebody or did you find a solution by yourself to your fear? May I I kind of a little bit by myself. It's like I kind of, you know, figured it out what it was in processed and then I done hard to see, you know, like a therapist, and told to see a trap it. Yeah, you discuss the parents, are your girlfriend or your podum. It was quite a few years ago. I think I I was about firteen, fourteen, but yeah, younger age. So I you know, I spoke about it to my parents, my family, not necessarily my friends at the time, but you know, it took time and I worked through it in it's on the I think it's understanding. You know, once you understand what it is and how your mind works and how you're thinking and your behavior, you can then begin to understand it, because a lot of the time, like when I was fearful anxiety, I would fight it you, I would fight it and that that makes it that made it worse for me. But you know, some sometimes, if someone's scared, I don't, of going into a certain situation, sometimes it's best to just do it in, to face it head on, and then you realize that everything is okay, if that makes sense. So if I would say that, you know, people are also fearful of trying new things. I mean they're addicted or used to the same schedule of it. If something out of a routine, just carry on with it without any change. And you know why the why are people fearful of trying new things out of the box, and especially in the days? What do you suggest and what people do you mean fearful to, like you mean in this...

...current situation, or just in general, people doing the full? Yeah, do things out of the box. I'm in regular schetting. If you see somebody's making up at nine o'clock, you do not want to do, you know, to wake up at six o'clock in the morning. She is that sched you even that's a sort of you know, you know, different understand happening. Yeah, I think, like you said, people get comfortable. People get comfortable and used and they feel sick for comfort zone. HMM, you want in it, you don't want to come out of it. Is it like that? Yeah, I would say so. It's breaking that routine and it's pushing yourself to do something. Now, you know, that might be exercise or getting up early, like you said, or it could be, you know, going to a job interview or try, you know, trying something, though, and we tend to like think about, you know, what if, what if this happens? So there's a lot of irrational thinking and now that be down to you know, self belief. Next thoughts, which kind of you know, makers talk ourselves out of doing it because we worry about the outcome, outcome of it, even before we tried. Yeah, absolutely, we are worried about the outcome before we try. I think this is very lately said. Yeah, that's you know, the actor Will Smith, he did a video and he was talking about jumping out of an airplane and he said before that, the night before he said he couldn't sleep. He said he was thinking about, Oh my God, what am I doing? So he was experiencing all these different thoughts and emotions that the day before and then he said once he actually did it. You know, he was flying. You know you're flying, he said, and all of that worry and all those forms just kind of diminished in to say, you really see, he got over his fear. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he pushed through his fear that he was saying. Basically, everybody should analyze them, you know, understand I fear, and get over it, I think, by themselves, I think, you know, this is the best example you put on today. That's, you know, by yourself, if you get over your own fear, is the best way out of it. What do you think? Yeah, I I would say, you know, it's a really beneficial way to, you know, gain clarity in bring yourself back into the moment, because it's almost like if you're like like, for me, my fear was triggered by crowds and crowds of people and and and I still worry about, I think, what the people would think of me. You know, I had a fear of talking in public, fear in...

...college when I, yeah, I'm in the university elections, when I was a part of it. So, you know, it is our brain which calculates and and tells us everything. So why don't we try to, you know, make our brain function like we want it to function and get all this fear. Why not play with our brain, you know, instruct to get over this view, and then you come out of like a better human being? Right. Yeah, now, I agree and I think like we should just kind of, you know, push, go through the motions and and and accept whatever we're feeling. Yes, and you know, to question, you know what it is. Why am I feeling? It's what you know what they need to do by ourselves and working hard on it and understand and accepting your fear and working to get over it by your own self. I'm in selfbelief very it's a key to get it, getting over one sphere, I believe. Right, yeah, because to that. Yeah, of course. So this is, yeah, related like, you know, fear active listening. If we know if we talking to somebody, how does a conversation change? How active listening plays a role in our communication skills and passing on a message. Right. Yeah, yeah, so like, like example, if we are talking to a client in a meeting and if the client is not listening to us, do you think we'll get the deal? I think if somebody isn't listening, I a kind of automatically makes you feel like you're not important or or what you're selling is an important you know, by spice versa. That means that either the way to put it up was not right, yeah, or there was no eye contact, because active listening. When somebody speaks, we should have the tendency to be very attentive because if we are attentive, you know, we can listen to what it's what the person is saying, and come to one agreement. Right, HMM. Yeah, and if we lose icon, yeah, like a lot of things in many in many scenarios, like you know, if you have an argument at home, if somebody is not actively listening, if you're not having an eye contact, do you think they'll be a solution out of it? I think it decreases the chances of it. And I think. I mean you know from from personal experience and working with people where you know I've been trying to...

...teach somebody something or show someone something in a certain job and they haven't listened. You know, through I, like you said, eye contact, I contact a big fern. You know, body language. It's all into linked, as any body language, tonality. If your boys and people responding in a certain way, like you said, if you'll help. If you're having a business there with somebody, they're not looking at you or the body language is certain way in all kind of so nonverbal communication, isn't it? That make you think differently. There's a lack of confidence in that conversation. HMM, yeah, so I believe. You know, active listening is a very important tool in communication because if somebody's telling you something, you have to listen, you have to give your ears and then you have to analyze. You don't have to disrespect that person as well, right, because a lot of people, when you're talking to them, they're looking, you know, the deck or of the House, they are lost somewhere else, something else is going on. Yeah, that's the person in front of you. So active listening is a very important key. What do you say? HMM, yeah, I I agree and I think I am you know, I'm guilty of in the past. I would, you know, filter out why, why I wanted to hear that makes sense. Like I was, I wouldn't actively listen. I would somebody will be talking or be watching something and I would filter what I wanted to hear from what they were saying. So I wasn't really listening and then it's only until I you know, when I did my life coaching course, we kind of learn how to activity listen, you know, to to a climb and it really makes you think like about your listening skills. And I think as well, we know with this podcast and US talking to each other and listening where, you know, almost actively listening to one another now. Yeah, so it's important. It's really important. It's by actively listening. I'm trying to imagine your entire conversation. I intact conversation is an imagination right now and I'm trying to be a part of that imagination. So actively helps you be a part of that entire discussion. So why are you telling me things? And try imagine my presence there. So if I'm actively listening, I can be a part of your condestion and I don't judge you there. And then we go on with that conversation and make it more interesting. What if I wasn't listening to you and I was doing something else? So you would lose interest, I would lose interest. The conversation goes we're in the PODCAST, podcast goes over. Right, to make it more interesting, we're trying to listen to each other carefully. So this is a this is a live example to our listeners how important, how important is...

...active listening? Right? Yeah, I you know, I completely, you know, agree and I think it's is so important. And, like you said, you know, this is a perfect example of, you know, I to listening, you know, live and you know, listening into what they were person is saying and, like you said, almost imagining that we were person is there and really getting a feel for them and what they're saying. Yeah, and you know, I think it's something because a lot is happening in society. You know, up till now there's a lot of destructions. So I think a lot of people aren't listening because they're the might be thinking of a new TV program or or might be going on an APP on the phone, like you know. So it's but active listening, it's you know. So it's an important life skill, isn't it? It's not something that's taught to us. I don't I'll give you a very good example. Imagine there's a child in the house and you're trying to beat step child and he's not listening to you. You get irritated, right. Yeah, and if that child is attentive, actively listening. You try is to solve his problems by himself next time. HMM. Yeah, because you guided him, you understood the situation, whatever the problem is, and next time he makes an attempt. So again the child has to active list you know, he has to actively listen to them saying, the parents they're saying. So it plays an important role everywhere. I mean even organizations, in offices. Active listening makes, you know, you know, a lot of problem problem free free communications and error free decisions. HMM. Right, like you know in offices, when people, when you employees, are listening carefully, they do the job properly, right, they make less errors. Yeah, I employees, a team members in the hospitality industry, as you said, you were working. You're a part of it. Yeah, so listen to that instructions carefully. They don't listen, they make mistakes. So again there are errors everywhere. So active listening helps making things error free. HMM, I I agree. And you know I've, you know, we've all my mistakes and I've been times. You know, a few years ago, I've made mistakes because I didn't listen properly. And you know you make, you made mistakes and I think sometimes you know you have to learn, because it feels terrible to make those mistakes and then to let people down. So, you know, laughing sometimes when you you kind of just reach a point where you like, you know, things need to change. I don't need to carry on this way. You're accepting the fact. You're accepting it, and that's like being a very good human being. I mean, you know, you're absolutely...

...accepted a fact that in the past you did not actively listen. Even I was one of them at times. I did not listen to many things, but then I analyzed, you know, I should be a better listener. Well, I respond, well, HMM, and then the yeah, this is exactly now. Suck clear and like you know, like you said, in teams of people are officers or hospitality or even the military, you know, like you're, especially in the military, if you're not actively listening to others, was dead. A lot of people could probably lose our lives, you know. So it's it's quite as quite important and if if people are listening in the workplace, they're gonna do that job more effectively. You could probably feel more confident as a boss because people are listening to what you're saying. Do you think the conversation should be crisp so that somebody actively listens to you? A lot of people talks, you know, in big paragraphs, you know, very detail. Is it that it makes people lose interest? Rather, people like crystal conversations, you know, message to be given in small, small, small stances. Do you think this is a way out for people? I've I think that's a really good point and I think that I've I've had, I've been a presentations where people are talking and, like you said, if someone's voice is very monotone and just talking and talking and talking, or the or why? I notice as well if they're talking and they and they say a lot like pauses, it kind of makes you they don't know what they're talking yet. So you're then thinking, or why should I listen to this person if they almost don't know what they're talking about? If you know it's something well, you know, like you said, if somebody is giving a speech or presentation at the very crisp or very to the yeah, but you know, so yeah, to the point, to the point, a certain voice, then I think people are going to actively listen or more even in schools, you don't in schools and universities. You know, students have to actively listen and the actively listen. Well, correct to the last. Yeah, we haven't heard anything. If you haven't heard anything, I would you understand a thing. Yeah, that's that's a that's a really good point, because remember if I was sat at the front, all I loved physics and I was, to always say, at the front my...

...physic class and yeah, I'd enjoy and I'd learn a lot. Where it's like you said, if I sat at the back, I would probably mess around or get the structed or something o that all the distractions are after three third of fourth. You know bench is correct. Yeah, I'd say so, and I think you feel like you're less noticed if you're the back. You can probably get away with doing more things. It's active listening. It starts from home, from your kids to their schools and university. Two offices, it two marriages. When there is argument in a marriage, you have to actively listen to your partner, to anything to bring you have to actively listen to the lawyer, to the judge. Right. So, anywhere and everywhere you have to actively listen. If you're going to a shop or a mall, if you're not listening and if you're not saying properly or speaking properly, nobody can explain you what the product is. Even you have to understand the specification of a product, you have to listen properly, right. Yeah, eleven without the specification in India and nobody hys it. Right. So, yeah, because we like listening. That's how I'll bring functions. We listen, we calculate and then we answer and then we talk out right. So I cannot listening, you won't respond. Yeah, that's that's a communication. It's not just about talking, it's about listening. It's about listening to the person, responding to that person and in a proper way. At the end you're a better speaker. HMM. Yeah, so this is a live experiences we've discussed today. I hope this is a good one and it's a pretty crisp one so that people, you know, they want to hear more from us. What do you say, Adam? Yeah, I know, I mussively agree and I think, I hope you know, we've are improving day by day. Yeah, yeah, massively, I totally agree. I think you know, we do really good podcast with a really good value and I think we're very concise and what we say and you know, we've got a good rapport and Canet really well, and I think you know I listen to you and I feel like, you know, I've grown doing this with you and such an opportunity that given me. I'm trying to work on my active listening skills and communication skills while I talk to you. Everybody. That's what English man right. So let we try those. Yeah, yeah, not, of course, good evening ahead and I'm looking forward to our next podcast. So that yeah, of course, and we should be experts in...

...talking to ourselves and said an example of what active listening is, right. M Yeah, now, I think you completely right and it's, you know, it's ongoing journey, isn't it? You know, we that we work on and help people work. Happy. I'm happy we can talk so much and then we can, yeah, listen to you know, our life experience. Maybe they might learn something out of it and if they benefit out of it, I think that's achievement for us. Yeah, now, that's it and that's what it's all about, isn't it? It's about, you know, grow myselves and helping up. It's not and you you take. You take care as well. You take care of a good evening ahead and looking forward to talk to you again. Yeah, you two take care bike. It's but.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (102)