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The Parrsitivity Podcast
The Parrsitivity Podcast

Episode 44 · 2 years ago

The Parrsitivity Podcast #Episode 58 Nicole Colantoni

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In today's episode I'm with Nicole Colantoni, Nicole is a Lifecoach that helps people to become the best version's of themselves! Contact: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicole-c-b7b11134 --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/the-parrsitivity-podcast/message

Hither. My name is Adam Po and the podcast host posity to podcast. In this podcast, you will be listening to me connect with people from different walks of life, from the military to people in the music industry, to people in the self help industry and many other areas of life. In this podcast I'll be talking about topics from self help, mental health, motivation, spirituality, mindset, society, current affairs and much, much more. If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe, share and let me know your feedback. And my main intention on this podcast is to have a positive impact for you, the lit the listener, to take something positive from it, to apply something positive into your life from this. Now with without further ado, let's go to podcast and enjoy. Hi and welcome to the polity to podcast. Into Day's episode, I'm with Nicole Clin Tony. She's a personal life coach that helps people to achieve their goals and be the best version of themselves. In today's episode we Talk About Mindset, Life Coaching, passion and much more. Now I hope you enjoyed this episode. So now it's back. Relax and enjoy in the car. I was a going joy, yeah, good. Can you hear me Goo, good. Yeah, that's that's clear. Yeah, absolutely, but no one. Thank you for calling on the podcast. Really means a lot. No worries. The pleasure today here now. You're very welcome. So, like, is it? How is it in Australia? Is it? Is it fairly hot over there now in the evening? or No, it's winter. So it's phrasing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, because you're on new yeah, I get it. Yeah, you get it. Yeah, yeah, because, yeah, we're on the other side. I'm where you located, London. I'm in I'm...

...from Nottingham originally, which is in the he's Midlands and the UK, but I'm currently in Cornwall, so I'll be coastal part of England. Oh, Nice. Is it warm where you are? Yeah, it's it's around, you know, twenty four, twenty five degrees. It's it's not. Yah, it's pretty warm. But I was British people. We're like, you know, we it gets hot and then we mourn about it and then it wants to be cold again and then we mourn about it. So it's we can't really win. You guys are pretty good at complaining here. Yeah, but yeah, so how the how did you kind of get into coaching and the field about yeah, I suppose from a very young age I was always very interested in the mind, HMM, and I knew that I wanted to work within that field and that I specifically wanted to help people, but I wasn't entirely sure what that looks like. And then when I was deciding what university degree to do, I was considering psychology, but I didn't like the fact that it was taught as a science, so I kind of went a different root. And it wasn't really until I had my own startup company, and that was not entirely a success, that I just decided to really pursue my true passion, because I found that in most of the roles up until that point that I was actually coaching people that I worked with or was doing business with or had in my life as a friend or family member. So it just made sense to really pursue that finally. Yeah, that's great. I mean it's not, as you know, you're following something that you're passionate allance and when you feel strongly by I was a person and that's what it's it's about, wasn't it? It's it's finding that thing that you enjoyed. And Yeah, doing that exactly exactly. Couldn't agree more. And, like what you said, like you know, use working with people and your family members and things like you was just kind of like doing it like naturally. And I think some people do it and they don't really some people do it they don't look really know about coaching and things like that, that don't really know which about it, but they're just doing it anyway. Yeah, exactly, and I was consistently receiving feedback from people that I knew either professionally or personally, who were all encouraging me to really pursue it, whether it be psychology or coaching, and so I guess I just reached a point in my life where I felt confident to do that and that I had enough life experience to really help people to the best of my ability. But again, it's...

...a work in progress. So, you know, it's forever changing and evolving and adapting. Yeah, I know, I agree. I think like with coaching, you you have to come like work on yourself and get to know yourself that bit more to then kind of, you know, be a good coach and understand what it's like, you know, to be a client and to be, you know, the best version will be the best version yourself, so that you can help over people be the best version of themselves are. That makes sense, of absolutely. It's like being a financial advisor but being in debt. It just doesn't make sense. Like you definitely have to be the sort of person that's into your own personal growth in order to encourage and assist other people to do the same with their own lives. But that's the thing that I love about coaching, because the more you sort of improve yourself and your life, the sort of the better clients you attract as well in return, and then it's also a reciprocal relationship where you learn a lot from your own clients that you can apply to your own life. So yeah, that's it's definitely a given. Take Line of work. Yeah, no, I group. So it's like if they see you working yourself and you're putting in the work and that you know, they see how you're passionate about it and you care. Yeah, absolutely. So is if a client had a coach and the coaching never, I don't know, done certain exercises or not tried it themselves, then they'll be like all, okay, you've not tried on yourself. So how's it going to work on the exactly? You have to practice what you preach. That's something that I've definitely learned and whenever I go to hire my own coach, it's definitely one of the first questions that I ask them whether they've ever had any form of therapy or ever works directly with a coach before. HMM, yeah, just kind of breaks ice, kind of builds. That trusters in every port. I think when you know someone stands what they're doing absolutely, because, I mean when when I did my coaching course, they were saying like sometimes people drop out because they just kind of do it for the money, and it's like not really the right reasons. You got to have by the right kind of values in place. Think, yeah, absolutely. I can definitely tell between coaches that are motivated by making money and, you know, a profile, public profile for themselves, and those that genuinely want to help their clients and see them completely transform their lives, and then the sort of coaches that I gravitate towards and want to model myself off. Basically, HMM, nice so important and it's like, you know, you want someone who's empathic and they tune into that client. Yeah, they get that exactly. Like it's about building human connection...

...and a trusting environment where that person feels comfortable to open up to you because it's a very intimate relationship and they also, you know, they're kind of sharing their their most private details in the hope that you're going to help them improve and change. So yeah, you definitely need to know how to relate on a very human and intimate level. Yeah, so I found it pretty, pretty powerful when I did my course. I'm going to the way, the way. Did you do your course? Like, did you're just practice it? And Yeah, I did my course back in like two thousand and fifteen and sixteen, HMM, so a while ago now. Yeah, it seems quite wild when I didn't mind couple years ago. Yeah, I want with Animas, which are coaching kind of company's sense of Education Institution, and we had to cover our exercises and you would see people doing demonstrations and then you would have to then practice it and do yourself, hmm, and you would have to be the client and then you'd be the coach and then you'd be like an observer. M So yourself awareness just kind of like expanse, because you then tuning into all these different kind of live and use. Yeah, and I think that, like through the coaching course that I did, I really learned how to like actively listen, which is definitely a skill that I think that a lot of people lack in life. And it was just yet it was honestly priceless, and I often in the class was paid with the teacher when we did those sorts of activities and exercises that you were just referencing, and it was really intimidating because you have to be both vulnerable and perceptive at the same time, which is incredibly difficult to balance. So yeah, but at the same time, I think it's a skill set that almost everyone should aspire to have because, like I said, it's just really about building human connection, like you said, learning how to be like empathetic towards another person, great between the lines, those sorts of things that are just key to being human. HMM. Yeah, no, I agree and I think I, like you said, listening, you know, is one of my difficulties, one of my witnesses when I started it, because I think as people kind of filter out what we want to hear, so we take from what we want to hear don't actually listen properly. So, like that...

...was a key thing for me. I really had to like, you know, work on that. And, like I said, like we're listening. It's start active listening and empathy. You really tune into what someone saying and it kind of becomes like really clear, because we we did a module on it's called about listening, and I'm Miss Feeling. I really tired that, you know, after the module, because it could, you know, because I was just working, you know, and all the you know, learning so much. Yeah, and I said listening. We're not really kind of taught how to listen. I'd say it's not really you know, like through education and things like that. Yeah, we're not, as people who need to taught to listen. Absolutely, I think. I couldn't agree more. I think that people, more often than not, when they're listening to the other person speak, are just trying to come up with what they're going to say in response, which is actually not what listening is or should be. So, yeah, I think that it is a really important skill, but also, equally, I think, creating a space for that person to feel comfortable to share, you know, personal details about their life, and part of that is, you know, not only listening but also just being able to sit in silence with one another. I think that that sort of pause in communication is just as important as talking at times. HMM. Yeah, no, I agree. It's like free NEX space, isn't it, and provide not open space where they feel safe. Yeah, talk about certain pause the life because and, like you said, we we can sometimes try and fill that space because we're not, I think, we're not used to that silence, we're not used to the space. If you're not to me. Yeah, absolutely. I feel that people don't like to be left alone with their own thoughts, and so the role of a coach is to make them feel safe and doing so, but also help them to sort of articulate the thoughts that they're having, you know. HMM. Yeah, definitely definitely provides our space for people to think. And the way I see it is like they're coming to the scion with like, you know, tangled ball of string and you ask certain questions in a certain way and then they just kind of untangling that string, that ball of string. Yeah, exactly, triggers them's if they see things from a different perspective. And Yeah, definitely, did you find any in I exercises that's any any exercise that kind of stood out...

...to you, or diagrams that you kind of learned to use? It's all for me, it really comes down to the questions that you use. I think that questioning is k and it really just encourages the person to see things from a different perspective. The exercises that I would use, the that I learned in class or that I would use with my clients really depend on the situation and every situation is different, every circumstances different, but for me it really just comes down to powerful questions and when I've received coaching, that's been what's worked best for me as well. HMM, yeah, I know, I grew. I think I said the questions are quite quite powerful, because I remember seeing, you know, damage rations and did the course and it would be like, for example, why is it that you feel that way? You know, or I noticed, you know, the little kind of little gestures and they can just kind of like trigger that person to them think differently or trigger them to be taken to a certain event. All kind of our opens up exactly exactly we did. You ever like cover chairing thing called chairing. Jook me through that, so I'm kind of break it down. So you have the climb and the client has to have something that they've got going on with a person, you know, work, colleague or family member, and you kind of sit them in front of a chair and you get them to imagine that person in that chair. So so they kind of like, you know, give a give them a few minutes. They imagine the personal are the issue within the chair and then they kind of vent how they feel, whatever is going on in them, to this chair and then they after that. They are then kind of shake it off and then become that person that they've got the issuer, and then they sit in the chair and then they see it from that person's point of view well, and then kind of almost talk to themselves from do a perspective, if that makes sense. Yeah, and then after that you then become an observer and then you you basically physically step back from the chair as like an observer, and you you kind of see it from all these different angles, because when we did it, this guy had a problem with his boss. Then you saw him and he was talking to this chair where you know it wasn't even anyone silent. But then when he became his boss, you know, he was talking about from that's going on, and when he took us that back, he, you know, he kind of realized, you know, that is boss of the lawn. Wow, it's quite yeah, it's quite as it's a probably...

...on Youtube, but it scar's quite an effective exercise. Yeah, that's definitely a good one and the whole time you were speaking just then it did make me think of meditation, because I meditate a lot and I encourage my clients to meditate a lot, and that is exactly what I get out of meditation. I try to observe scenarios that have taken place throughout the day or the week from different perspectives and it sort of gives me that clarity to to basically see both sides, you know, and sort of read some sort of resolution in my own head without having to necessarily approach that person or or, you know, or change the situation. So those, those sorts of exercises are definitely very, like you said, effective. Yeah, no, it's pretty amazing. I mean there's lots different ones, but I think, like you said, meditations quite an effective exercise to do. I mean, I don't know, I'm open a very hard to get into and to practice it, but I mean, like you said, it gives you that kind of climty and awareness and perspective of thinkers. Yeah, definitely, and I just think that it consistency is k like, you know, even if you just start with five minutes a day and then work your way up to twenty minutes a day. You know, I just think repetition is an absolute necessity and you know, I always send my clients away with homework to do each week so that even when they're outside of the session, they're still working on themselves. and meditation should be the same. HMM. Yeahs you're breathing, isn't it? Loe we a lot of time we're not even other breathing correctly. We're not really aware of breathing. It's funny you say that, because it literally took me four years to learn how to breathe properly and if I'm not mindful of my breathing, I still I still slip up and and it's absolutely kate, like breathing completely transforms your body. It can relax you within five minutes. But we do very super official breathing most of the time and people aren't even aware of that, you know. So definitely, if I can see that a person in a session is really anxious, I'll ask them to be mindful of their breathing and you can see them immediately relax. M Yeah, breathings really effective. It's something that we don't necessarily think about and when you're can you bring it into your awareness? It's quite it's quite difficult, I think. I think especially if you go for a run, like sometimes I'll go for a jog or run and I'm breathing and I'm breathing more out of my mouth and I'm like, well, that's not benefits to me because it's just, you know, they don't big got more like Ticasa to to control...

...your breathing, you know, not just an exercise. And in general it's quite difficult. It's, like I said to you four years so no, seriously, and it's a work in progress. Like I've got to be real with you, I'm not a runner, but definitely have had similar experiences with my meditation, for sure, and even if I struggle to sleep at night, I have to do breathing exercises to relax my body. Because it completely relaxes your mind. You know, they work then the hand in hands. So, yeah, but it's definitely it's not an overnight job. That's something I've learned, or maybe I'm just is yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone's different. As a different paces on it. Everyone finds different things difficult. Yeah, but I know it's something I've definitely, you know, shrivled over times. I think they just bring you back to the present moment. Yeah, exactly right. I think, especially, like you know, with what's happening in the world now, I think, you know, it's a good way that people can kind of just ground themselves. Think. Yeah, I think that the world could do with a little bit of meditation and breathing exercises when you consider everything that's going on right now. You know, I know that even a lot of people struggle to deal with the pandemic and having to be indoors and alone. Um, I mean, I keep saying that this is like every introverts time to shine, but I really worry for extroverts who rely on that social connection and keeping themselves active and entertains you know. So just being able to breathe properly and be alone with your thoughts and meditation is an amazing skill to have. M Yeah, not, I definitely agree, and I think that's some of them. Not, you know, wife about to work on because on cline extrovert, are your own slapping space. Is when this all started. I just, like I said, I kind of freaked out a little bit and I just sl you know, take some deep person say. Walking has been pivotal for me. I mean my biggest fear was that we would go on proper lockdown where we weren't even allowed to leave the house. But fortunately, here in Sydney, where I'm located, we've been able to exercise every day, which is just been so important to my mental health. If it wasn't for walking, I do not know where I bed. I'm probably climbing the walls. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I go for a walk, like can really help. Like I've got two dogs, like a beautiful like a look at ducks and Sausha dog. Yeah, she's like muster and then he's like a ducks and cross Jag hi. So so like. So you go for walk, you know, just...

...around the block or down the road. Is, you know, makes you feel ten times, but I never return the same person that I left as like I sweat. I was told when I was younger. Every time you go for a walk and angel whispers in your eat, your ear. I mean I have like the most outrageous epiphanies whenever I go for a walk. It's like life changing. Seriously, I swear by a good walk. HMM. Yeah, it's crazy, isn't it? Because you have that kind of space and time and it gives you that kind of clarity to think about things. I think I I thought some things for the PODCAST, like ideas the podcast as are, you know, when I was on a walk as it just kind of comes to fight. I've worked on a walk or a run. The show epiphanies. But yeah, I swear like honestly, yeah, walking is just it's really I compared it to move it for me it's a moving meditation, basically when and driving quite the same for me as well. Whenever I go for like a long drive, I always work out my life problems and have a lot of amazing thoughts, really productive thoughts, that I wouldn't usually have if I was just stuck indoors or in the same pets space. Yeah, Nice. It's so important, isn't it? Like you said, you could, you could go for a walk, go for a drive, you could think about something that could then lead you to do something I might change your life. So it's and it gets you fit. I think like if you're thinking, if you're indoors too much, you then you can then start thinking about yourself and then probably worrying about yourself. And if you if you get out, your attention is not a hundred sun on yourself, as if you're looking around and what's going on around. Yeah, exactly. You're more like aware of your surroundings and I feel like we hold a lot of our emotions in our body and in different parts of our bodies. So if we can take ourselves outside of our body somehow and move our body, we can sort of relieve ourselves from those thoughts and emotions that were holding in. Like, for me, if I'm like super anxious and I try to solve a problem, when I'm in that stay stationary in that state, I know I'm not going to be as productive compared to if I just went on a walk and came back an hour later completely a completely different person. So yeah, like equally exercise, not just walking, but any form of exercise, is equally as productive for me and effective loss. It's it's definitely something. No, if we get a chance to do it, we should do it. Just give even if it's like fifteen minutes. Yeah, exactly, but a kind of emotional state. Definitely. Is there any like books that...

...you like to read at all, or any lot your favorite books? Oh my God gosh, yes, so many are. So Joe to spends our is a hundred percent and number one for me. I could not recommend him more to anybody. He's been transformation for me. So becoming supernatural's probably my favorite book of his at the moment. I'm not sure if you're familiar, often not, for yeah, I mean he comes from the perspective of a science background, but he sort of combines it with meditation and Metaphysics and it's it's really incredible to sort of learn how to use meditation to be not only more productive but also to like essentially heal yourself and manifest what you want out of life. So that's something that I found really interesting and he's got a number of books that people rape about, I suppose. Are the books that come to minds that I've absolutely loved over the years are the seven habits of highly affective people. But Stephen Covey, I think he pronounced his name. I feel like that's a Bible that everybody should have at home. HMM. Yeah, I mean then there's like, you know, your usual coaching books that come to minds, like coach yourself. I don't know if you've come across that before or think I've see that. Yeah, or designing your life. There's sort of like I mean there's just been so many books, different books over the years that have spoken to me at different times in my life to penny where I'm at, and they're sort they've sort of like really helps me when it comes to my own clients in terms of helping them to design their own life or live their life with purpose or build, you know, habits that are going to change their lives for the better. The main ones that comes to mind right now. How about you? Now? It's awesome. I yeah, I counqule loads books. I I tend to be reading one and I got on Amazon. Oh yeah, that's I was cool, and I'll order it and then I'll be reading that one and I'll and before I know I've got like about a box. But I like I read everything is figure artible, recently by Marie folio good. Yeah, she's like a coach. That was really good. I like thinking that one. Napoleon Hill, that's an all time favorite. That, yeah, good. Have you read the Master Case System? Not as well, my child, and now...

I recommend one. Yeah, yeah, check it out. I mean I think he's done a few. There's a few who that very similar in that kind of a racket. And then on the point I want. I've got that. I've got that moneths search for meaning, Victor. Frankly, yeah, was that any good? I'm started reading. Actually I got a release, but if he he was in the concentration comps and he ended up surviving, basically impressive. Yeah, but not re reading some important, isn't it? You know, because you but be kind of you know, you learn so much and you can apply you're reading. I mean I'm like you. I've got like a massive library of books at home right now, like and I've always got like ten books on the go that I'm reading. Like I'm also reading Malcolm Gladworld's outliers, and then great good and then grits and then another book called Mindset, and they all like serve to shape me and for my you know, different opinions and thoughts and beliefs and you know, I just feel like you can never be the same after reading a book. HMM, no, it's very true. You know, we've got all the time. You know people who got more time to read now. So I mean, you know what, ironically, I've never been busier, so I don't feel like I'm having the same experience as everybody else and I though, Um, but yes, I mean, being indoors and having less social or commitments is a really good opportunity to read more, for sure. Yeah, would you is any advice you would kind of give to people that I listen to this I will probably struggle with a mental health for our channeling, with mental health, like we we with, like you know, the current situation. Yeah, for sure. Like so many things come to mind, I think first and foremost, just to be mindful of the fact that nothing in life is permanence. The only constant is change and this too shall pass. So that just puts things into perspective. I think something else to be mindful of is that, you know, this is a really great opportunity to practice gratitude and realize how fortunate we are to have our health, to have our loved ones, friends and family, a roof over our head, and to also use the downtime as an opportunity to really consider what makes us happy, you know, what we truly value in life, whether you know, obviously, this is made people realize that material value is not the only thing that is...

...important, and to really figure out what drives us, you know, what is our purpose in this life, so that, when this is all over, we can really live a life that is aligned with who we truly are and is in integrity with who we really are our stuff in there some really, you know, important and great, great points that, you know, we can really think about and point to practice. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's really all I have to say on that. Yeah, that's Nast it was really, really nice and I think, you know, it's so like you said, it's so important to, you know, kind of use this time, you know, in some productive way, you know, to kind of figure out, you know, who we are deeper in ourselves and, you know, kind of figure out what makes us happy and to yeah, it can be used as an opportunity to, you know, for exploration, you know, apply ourselves in different areas that we wouldn't ordinarily have had time to you know. And Yeah, exactly, into just reconsider what's important to us. Yeah, most exactly. But the NAICE, it's been a it's been a pleasure to talk to you. The Pole. Thanks, you're very welcome. Where can people find you on? Like on social media? Website for Nicol Calling tonycom and I'm working on my social media. I'm not. I'm pretty private person, so social media doesn't come naturally to me. But Watch this face. Yeah, not suck us, it's whatever is. It was right, he isn't. It's I think social media is a really great platform for connection. So it is important. So that's a goal of mine this year to put myself out there. Yeah, yeah, no, of course. Would you want me to put your linkedin the description? Website? People want to connect to that. Yeah, website. Yeah, yeah, of course. No, you wilcome. Well, all the best on the other side of the enjoy the warm weather and keep saying yeah, yeah, yeah, you too, stay stay warm. Yeah, it's okay. By.

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