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The Parrsitivity Podcast
The Parrsitivity Podcast

Episode 16 · 1 year ago

The Parrsitivity Podcast #Episode 86 James Hackney

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In today's Podcast im joined by James Hackney, he's a Lifecoach, NLP Practitioner, motivational speaker! Instagram:@Impactcoaching_nlp --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/the-parrsitivity-podcast/message

Hither. My name is Adam Po and the podcast host posity to podcast. In this podcast, you will be listened to me connect with people from different walks of life, from the military to people in the music industry, to people in the self help industry and many other areas of life. In this podcast I'll be talking about topics from self help, mental health, motivation, spirituality, mindset, society, current affairs and much, much more. If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe, share and let me know your feedback. And my main intention on this podcast is to have a positive impact for you, the lit the listener, to take something positive from it, to apply something positive into your life from this. Now with without further ado, let's go to podcast and enjoy. Hi and welcome to the party to podcast. In today's episode I'm joined by James Hackney. James is a live coach, motivational speaker, podcast host an NLP practitioner. In this podcast we talked about motivation, happiness, living the best life and being the best version of yourself, and much more. Now, sit back, relax and enjoy this episode. H James, are doing? You're right, yeah, I'm good, Adam. How are you good? Good, goods yeah, you second delay. There are not the ones, the Internet and connection and all of that, isn't it? Yeah, I think he think anything. My macro films along me to the Chord. But it's all good now. Yeah, and Nice Christ fine, don't I? Yeah, it's want to say, I must be thank you for coming on the podcast. Really really appreciate it. Now I've appreciate the in fact. Thank you very much. Now, I very welcome. So, like, yeah, I see that you've got your own podcast as well. You you do like life coach, doing NLP, like personal development, but not a lot of different things. Yeah, I've got it. So they yeah, the PODCASTS, you've got the the NLP, the coaching business as well, which is impact coaching. So things are busy, very busy. Yeah, not as good, and it's it's quite good, like you know, to combine it all together, isn't it? That's kind of like something that I'm kind of just in the process of kind of getting out to do as well. Yeah, it's IT, is it? I think it's good to get anything from buying together, but also, I think, to take your time, and I think we see that people who have like streaked ahead of as and like all, I need to have that done immediately. But yeah, yeah, it takes time. It takes time and it compounds every time, mate, but you'll get there for me. MMM, no, I completely agree and not thunk you for that and lie. I think, like you said, it takes time and there are people doing it who been doing it for a while. But, like you said, you know you could rush it and try and catch up with...

...them and it's not as effective, it's not as much work put into it because, you know, if you take your time with it, you know more small quality. Isn't it spot on? Yeah, it is the it's the whole. I think it's also discovery about who you are as well, like I'm pretty sure it's happen to you where you've tried on this journey, like sign the podcast and and and see what happens. And then next thing, new avenues call your opportunities. Calm, and it's just about you know what, it's your own personal journey. No one else is. Just enjoy it. Yeah, now, yeah, definitely found. No, definitely found, like you know, through through connections and through doing it. Like I didn't really take it serious when I first started it, like I just thought you know, I've got this idea. You know, just play around it and see what happens. I think that's the kind of magic with you know your ideas and putting them forward, isn't it? You before you do them, you don't think anything's going to happen really then when you start doing it, it starts to have that, let you know, that slow burning effect in some way. Yeah, and you're like Oh, it's I'm actually getting something from this. Yeah, but what kind of got you into Personal Development, coaching things like that? It's so what got me into it was a few or few years ago I had like a at a really low point in my life. I've a couple of fun members died suddenly and I was of a girl at the time and just put a house. So put up at the deposit down and put everything down and I moved it then put on the mortgage and like two weeks later I found it caught of another guy in the house. I was like yeah, so I died. I went into this really dark place and as like I need, I need to get out of this, but I don't know how. Like no one teaches you how to change, no one teaches you how to do this has like that. Okay, soon started reading a boot called the seven habits of highly effective people, and it talks about you eulogy and how you want to be remembered. But okay, like, how I'm living right now isn't how I want to live. So what I did is I then can I and write who don't want to become. So let's did all these things out and as like right, I need to sell the house and I'm going to go traveling. So what? By random decision, and then, as literally, the money as us, the money hit my bag account from the sale of the House. I went traveling, came back after six months and I was like, I want to help people to do the same, because not do the same, but it was more of a I had felt like life flowing from a veins and I was traveling and I was it was a feeling which I can't describe and I feel like people need to experience that day and now. And I was like, if people are saying to me, all you so lucky to go traveling, and so this as I'm not lucky, like I decided that I wanted to do it. I've been through a lot of pain, a lot of work, a lot of saving, like I'm going to do it. So it's like right, I realize my dreams, I realize my ambition, I realized what I wanted to do, so I'm going to start a podcast and help people to do the same. So I just like yourself, through a podcast out there. Just see what happened. Didn't expect anything, didn't take you seriously, and then I got some traction and then that led me to then qualifying as a personal performance coach and a and I'll be practitioner, which I'm calling the process of qualifying. Now it was like, oh, it kind of a journey which started with a bit of pain. Really, yeah, not as amazing. And I think, like you said, you decided to do that and you know, anyone could make a decision where they look at this current situation and see what's not working for them. But, like you said, I think sometimes, you know, it's triggered and it's caused by experiencing a certain amount of pain. Yeah, and you kind of...

...just swink to yourself. You know, I want to do x y Zerd. You know, I don't want to be feeding this wall, I want to do something with it. Yeah, spot on one hundred percent and it did come from actually setting back and asking yourself questions of what I wanted, what I wanted to do, and I think a lot of people on this day and age and declines, I W with. I real people realize that they don't actually know what they want. I think seventy five percent of people know what they don't want but don't know what they do want. And I was like that I want to I have this good what I want to do with my life. I want to help other people to do what they want from their life, and it could be traveling, it could be and they want to help to lose weight, they will whatever it could be that they want to start a business. But it's actually creating that vision, making it purposeful and then right, what do we need to do? You discover what you want to do, where you want to be, explore what you need to do to get there, and then it's to take an action bit, which is key. You can do all the discovery, you can do all the explanation of what you need to do to get there, but if you want taking action, then it's a dream. HMM, yeah, it worn't, and fold will it, unless you don't put in the work and I think like it can be difficult to actually say that initial steppers and I think it's that's the hard part, is staying on that truck when you do it, because it can be hard to dive and steelknown and I think, like you said, it's kind of learning to get comfortable being uncomfortable in some way and, yeah, just pushing through and doing it. Very, very true, because I think so many people are living in a comfort zone which causes them a lot of pain, so that they didn't like their job, they don't like people they hang around with, they didn't like where they live, they didn't like what they do each day. But the comfortable. But it is getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, because that's when you get into you and you stretch though and outside your comforts and that's where you actually start to change in lean about yourself. HMM. I think like good ways of starting around that is like, you know, true exercise, you know, like that's one thing that worked for me is get you know, by getting to know yourself and your limitations and how far you can push and you kind of life think to yourself, well, I can you know I'm doing, I'm doing it this way. You know, perhaps I can fly it to this situation. Yeah, but what? What kind of exercise did you start? Like? How did you start that process? I I had many years ago. I had like PTSD following like an accident, I heard. Okay, fell for a roof, Oh, glass scar on a roof and yeah, and it's called like along, it's long, so shy, like PTSD, anxiety and all of that. And then when I, when I kind of was coming through it, I, you know, started exercise and, you know, go running. You know, just used to go running a lot. Yeah, and I found, like you know, very, very difficult to begin with, and I feel like that that helped me to Mandu. AMM Good, good eating, your right and it's good that you've taken. I think one thing that you've done there is you recognize that, you know, what what I'm doing now isn't working. It's at end of the full ste but, like you getting Siet, Yeahsd, I'm going to do something about this, and it's about taking that ownership and responsibility. And exercise is fantastic because it not only is good for your body, but it's good for your mind. And like the matter of times I set my death working away and you know when you feel that frustration coming on, you can feel it in your shoulder and you're la. You get outside in that fresh air and you give for a run, you come back and you feel completely different. HMMMM, BYM ACHEYMO ourselves. Yeah, Nice, it's it's definitely true. Where...

...you just mentioned as like you know, I fly, even if it's like what twenty, twenty minutes, if the minutes or half an hour, it's as up found effect for our your day, doesn't it? Like you said, if I think if you don't do it, you feel like frustration. And if you don't do that, if you don't if you don't do it for a couple of days, that builds up even more. Yeah, and the exercises and for everybody, and I you know, I think some people really don't like certain exercises. I but there are overall terms of exercise of people can do asn't. Yeah, this, there's soame the same many that you didn't exercise. It's exercise. Can sometimes may people think, all, I can't do exercise, which is a limiting belief that they have. But exercise could be you gain for a ten minute walk or you doing like doing a lap of the house, just getting up, moving about, stretching. It's it could be anything. It could be just lifting a few weights or walk up the stairs, and numerous times it's just getting body moving, gained in. It is taking yourself it's and it's something that we'll in in NLP that I'pe focuses on is anchor. Now, an anchor is where you physical anchor is when, let's say now I'm sitting in my chair at my desk, I go into like work mode and I go into a mode where I'm focused on working. This is the area that I work and that people have and let's say be in a kitchen where people this is my work stay, if this is why we're where I cook, and your mind focuses on that and you struggle them to get creative in other areas. You struggled to think. So when I'd, let you say, when you stand up and you do exercise or you go for a walk, you taking yourself away from that anchor. If just sitting in the space of which you normally working or where you would be doing a particular task and you actually bench around the house, you're freeing your mind and it's incredible what it can do. Yeah, I agree, like, I think, like you said, by you know, going from where you're anchored or we are always used to being in, like by going for a walk or exercise and it changes, like your emotional stick doesn't and you feel, you know, Mysive Shit. It's a chemicals that are releasing your brain as well, indoorphins and the dopemine, and it's actually natural and not the dip means that we get from seeing a facebook message. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's that's like, you know, something that's really important with current situations and all what's been happening is people, you know, confined to the houses and where they live and you know, if possible, to just try and get out and move around. It just helps up orbit get the cabin fever of sitting in, especially this likely, like you've said, in this day and age where lot down and people are spending more times online, on the Internet, and it is it's very, very so important to actually get up, get outside, even it's a walker on the garden, even if it's just of your head out the window, if you're living in flats, get your head up the window, greaving that fresh air and it might be hot, can be quite hard in the city. Have heard the few, but it's just getting out, changing your environment and it just makes you happy. It changes your thoughts because you're thinking about different things, and your thoughts affect your feelings, which then affect your behavior. Yeah, no, I agree. I think as well, when you exercise or if you go for a walk, sometimes you get like new ideas last like that, that time, that kind of moment, a cloity that things kind of come to you sometimes. Yes, I think it seemed as bad as the actually are. When you can fill walk as well, I always find yeah, I I mean I've got two dogs and I take them for a walk and it just kind of yeah, it does change how you feel.

It's important, very, very especially with so many people in lockdown right now, and getting the exercise, changing your mindset, changing what you think as well as really important. HMM. Yeah, massively. If you got any right favorite books, but you like to read on me. Mentioned Stephen Coby's seven hard it's of affective people's any of the books that you like? Yeah, so there's definitely Stephen Koby's KV seven habits value effective people. I also love and I think is the guy, the author's name? I've seen it so many time because I've had the big about three or four times. If he's David Swartz, and it's the the magic of thinking big and that that book is like it's like a Bible for me. So many notes in, so many of the pain the pages are falling out, but that is yeah, there is. I'm like simple things. I like simple things simply explained, and that is just very simply explained and it is just it gives you the exercises of how you can just change how you feel, like yourself confidence, and how to think big and dream big, because if you think small you're going to get small results, but if you think big you're going to get big results. So that's a really a key book me. Another one I would recommend this is more of a kind of a coaching aspect. It's the Tony Robbins awaken the giant within. Yeah, and that was I've just finished reading that for the second time. But that that it just fascinates me at how regin and relevant it is. When you sat there, you do, you reading a book and you're like, Oh my God, this is talking about me right now, and it's just fascinating about how we can change a lot, how you can change a life in you don't actually have to pay hundreds and hundred and hundreds of pounds for a coach. You don't have to pay, how a mentor or don't have to pay. It's there for what nine, ten pounds, and it's really weird for read. HMM. Yeah, no, I completely agree and I think like that's a really good book as well. I've I've got it and head it as well and there's lots of goods tools and there lots of diagrams and guides to kind of get your get your mind like thinking about certain narratives. Yeah, it's a there's a key bit in there which I love and it's around it's kind of submidalities and modalities and fear anyone listening. You're not too short. They are. They are your modalities, are your senses, your five senses that you have, so visual, auditory, can a set it which is a feelings, smell and taste, and it's how you process them. So I know if anyone's ever kind of feeling overwhelmed anything, they may have a when you pay attention to you only actually know he's when you start to pay attention to but you may have this feeling in your shoulders where it's quite heavy and it's a certain color. And by changing the color, by changing the feeling, by changing the pace in the movement, and this might sound crazy for people, but you then change the experience so you can lower the intensity, so you feel better about yourself. And certain a great section in that book which really really helps people to could just change their experience of life. Hmm, yeah, Nice. Definitely true, isn't it? I these modalities that we all have, but we part you know, kind of are unaware of them. In some way. It's like automatic, which is so like, yeah, used to thinking, smelling, but if you realize said home, it honing on them in tune in to them. The quite profound, aren't they?...

And I think is in that booking of a book mentions the particular automating system. The light, this the the your Ras. It's the sorry us, yes, it's a bit the ticket. That's I think that's I'm not one the percent kind of flued upon that one. I think that's the master practitioner in terms of that. But that is where the best way I can describe that is you get what you focus on. So let's say if you, yeah, are wanted to buy a car, let's say you wanted to buy a brand new BMW one series. Now you're thinking about it each day, you waking up, you're thinking about it, you are dreaming about it, you've got a picture on your wall. You want that car. Then what will happen is when you're out driving about, you keep seeing the car. Oh, I want that car since, and you'll hear how heat semi times from people is since I wanted that car. Scene, loads of them now. Always when you have a new car like that, when you get the BMW, you start seeing loads of BMW's, and that's because your thinks, your particular activating system focus on Yah want and so you see it more. And that, once again, is another great book, or it's even on Netflix. Is a TV show. See A TV show film called secrets, and that talks about you get what you focus on. When we're focus goes, energy flows. So if you want to become more wealthy, if you if you focus on becoming more wealthy, if you focus on having more money, your mind, you're subconscious, will start then to look for and recognize opportunities for that, because you're subconscious and uncunconscious doesn't know the difference between reality and what you're making up in your mind. Because you it has physically has no eyes. It has no ears. You input there what you want to input. So when you play over in your mind you having more money, you focus on having that BMW, you daydreaming about it, you are feeding your subconscious mind to think, okay, yeah, that's what we want all, let's go get that. It's there's a lot more in depth into it, but that is the overview of how it works. Yeah, as fascinating, isn't it? Like we've got we've got all this light on top potential withinside of us to get the things that we want. Yet we kind of seek external ways kind of finding out how to do that. That makes sense. But we've got it within our wiring to do that and it's makes some absolute complete sense. And people, a lot of people, do look externally and I for me, I feel this comes from being a child and gain through skill. We're not taught to look internally. We are taught to pass that external exam. We're taught to pass GCSE's external recognition and it's all external and really it's internal and that that work is internal that you need to do. And I think people suggle with that because beyond we aren't taught that. We're taught to pass something external but not actually be happy else. Yeah, it's definitely needs a reboot, doesn't it? The system, I mean I talked about it a few times. I think Alan Watts, who ever heard, I don't wants, he's a philosopher. He he talks about the system and school and teachers all say now listen, not listen carefully. So he says, you know by them saying that your your, you frown your your, your facehook expressions turns up because you're trying to listen carefully. You tense up and yeah, I mean I know. So those fundamental stages of...

...growing up you're just consuming and taking in your environment and and information on you. So if if you're if with being fed the wrong information or taught a certain way, it's going to have some effect later on. We it's up to us to think untangled it is. It took what we were not giving the the tools and the techniques of how to do that. And you're right. We are taught. You GIF, you school and you kind of if you're anything like me. But I believe a lot of what the teachers said. I believe what was in the text books and I think then we led down a path to go and get the job, that we learn things that are completely irrelevant. It's like they do a broad teaching others. So we have a little bits of information about different things, we come av it, then become an expert in absolutely nothing, and then we go into a job and we realize, Oh, you know what, I don't actually enjoy this, but because I made the decision to go into this job at one thousand nine hundred and twenty or even up to twenty five, and it is for the rest of my life, it's like and yeah, have to like you can. You could change that. You can easily change that. You just need to know how to change that. And people don't understand how to do that, and that's where I can help people. As why I do? I help people to actually go. Okay, where I am now, I'm not what I want, but do I what do I want? And it's all down to asking better questions to answers. Hmmm, no, I think you often you clearly right and I think, like you said, by by breaking it down and asking yourself those questions. That's where people start of think, salt, see the bigger picture, isn't it? kind of unravel it and like some effective questions. Alt, you know how why? And like yeah, why are you feeling this? What? What? What is this situation? And still tiny like switches almost. It's just flipping up sp it's a good way. And in terms of finding out why it is is I know as a coach I don't really focus on the question why. It's more of what is causing you to feel that? So not kind of what. It's great question of why do you feel that? But what is causing you to feel like that? How is that causing you to feel like that? How can you change that? How's that making you feel? Where's making you feel like that in the body? And it's then just getting your mind thinking in a different way to what you used to. And I turn you Bobbin's it's a quote and actually in that book we mentioned earlier, and I might actually butter right now, but I'm gonna have a go at it. It's something like it's something that better quality questions get a better quality life. Yeah, and that's really important. M Yeah Sor. That's a really, really good quote. Isn't a really good point? And I've seen a where he's live on stage and there's people have got these big, big, kind of mass complicated problems going from her life and it just constantly like what is up? Is He's just very direct and he just, like said, cuts through it and and that approach is pretty fair of isn't it? Because I think you'd like Saye. Say why, or certain other question, you know, questions, you just go around and circles just attract more complication and and I think one thing he does is he believes and he keeps it simply. Believes that the person can change and he keeps it simple. There's a great video that's online with a woman who, I think she's in a lot of death, a lot of death, and she wants to go out the debt. She's got a good job, but she wants to go out the debt and...

...she can see on stage like a body language is really low and she's talking, she mentions, I. I'm carrying this back around with me, of debt and he just goes to a well, put the bag down and let you see the changes that it sounds simple. It's okay. He's like what happens when you put the bag down? He's like, well, I'm not coming around with me anymore. Well, how does that make you feel? It's like, I'll feel but free now to and feel happier. It's like, ok, all what you want to do with a bag. And he ends up here firing off into space, not literally, but I mean it's might off into space, and you're right, it does it so simply and very directly as well. That's a great video, yeah, and I'll definitely check it out. It's it's like who says a quite like change happens in an instant or something, or it's like you decide. You know, you can decide to change in like a instant, like it. It just takes kind of that time and keeping it consisted is is that can that can be considers consistent change in it's everybody's got a choice and people may feel like, I haven't got a choice, I have to go to work. It's like, well, you have to go to it. Yes, you go to work to pay for your bills, you go to work to pay for your family, but you do have a choice to get out of bed. You choose to get out of bed and go to that that job, and it's a truth we all have in the decision that we people make, and one of people whether they have a choice, like okay, all what you want to choose. And, like you said, it happens like in an instant. There's a lot of we're behind that. It compounds over time, I ever, and overnight success takes three to four years of hard work and dedication and then there's an even that success in will think, are you know, like he's putting you don't. He's literally done it overnight. He's like, well, this guy's been probably sacrificey in hours and hours and weekend learning, building, changing their life and now you've seen the successful. The people didn't see that. The weather putting them behind the scenes. Yeah, it's like the iceberg, isn't it? They see just the tip of the iceberg and to where that person got got to, you know where they are now. They don't see all the hard work and Ivan be hoppy below that. Like I quite like Gary. I talk about him a lot and he's early videos. He's like, you know, it's just talking about wine. On you yet the footing Dale to watch as well when you live at years now. Yeah, and a lot of people who don't know what it is. They just got all, they know who he is. They just see him for where he is now, and that's it's like a lot of these successful CEEOS or like companies. They they had to start somewhere. I mean there's that picture and if you've seen Amazon and as Jeff Bezos and his office, and it's like I think in the midnight, late S, and he's got own desk with paperwork everywhere and there's a piece of cardboard on the wall that's spray painted on. It says Amazon, and they are staring at this box computer and you like wow, no one sees that. They see the picture, but they don't see as the hours that he's spending there. And I think that work every hour under the sun, but you may should commit like an hour, two hours a day to it just to you change into your to focus on your happiness. It's a yeah, that that's a very good pitch. That is, but it's not your podcast. You put you put this podcast out, but people don't actually see the fact that beforehand you've you've had to set up the PODCAST, you've had to promote the podcast. You've had to edit the PODCAST, you've had to get the guests that come on the PODCAST, you've had to prepare mentally for the podcast. It's then you just see the podcast. Yeah, no, I never, never thought of it that way. Yeah, that's just definitely true, is not, I think.

Yeah, there's a lot of a lot of time goes into it, as you know, because you know you have your own and you you do. You're in coaching as well. A lot of time just go into it. People don't see that or they don't understand it. To look at it from that perspective, because you've got to you've got a message people, you've got to chase up messengers, you've got to edit it, you've got to make sure it looks right. And Yeah, but it's definitely a processes and, if not, something of our right. Yeah, it is. It is definitely a process and it's people just it's great that people can go into an application listen to your podcast, but it's the below that, the ID. The the podcast is the tip of the ice big it's to below the Ice Berg where you are kind of spending a cup, even if scen hour a day, working on it or you're growing it, you message people, your networking and yeah, that's that's it, below the iceberg. Yeah, because I published an episode today and I think it's on me around. It coulda meal to like forty five minutes to an hour. It depends on just putting out a single episode editing it, you know, like as well. Sometimes we can probably edit it, but the cover photo of it. Spend twenty minutes doing that. Go, I don't like it, and then you have to start again. So so true. But that's in that that's that's a I would it. That's like a lesson in itself. Try and not to be a perfect yes, and saving action beats no action every time. And it is like if, if you want to, if you want to grow it, like build a website, if you want to start a business, you can. You. I did a podcast about this recently. You can spend hours watching resources, you can spend hours reading boots, you can spend hours watching youtube videos. Absolutely pointless, completely pointless, unless you take action. HMM. Yeah, and that's your yeah, unless you actually go to know what I'm Lena's information. You can any people that buy courses, thousands of pounds of courses, and they'll go put so much work in F and F into it, and I admire it because, like I my attention spans at times is appalling. But they put so much time and efforts and learning and researching because they feel like they have to know everything. Things have to be paved for them to actually take effect. And then, if I well what you look like, don't take action and you can't prepare for things that you've never experienced. And Yeah, like things do happen when you've when you build below that website, you put it out there, you put you put yourself into vulnerability, but you learn from that. But you'll learn so much more by thinking action then you would. On course he's yeah, and I definitely agree in that. Remind me of I did a video on my instagram and I saved it on one of my highlights and I looked at it last night and it was something that's around seventy weeks ago. I don't know how many months that is to break it out, but but it was a it was a long time ago, some time last year, and then the video I was like yeah, I'm I'm going to do a podcast and I was thinking, Gosh, you know a lot of time when where I didn't do it, unlike you said it. You can say you're going to do something, but unless you actually do it, it's not going to unfold unless you apply what you actually taken from some that's a good thing. With the accountability what you've done there as well, you've hold you you've held yourself accountable in the public eye. So I'm going to be doing a podcast now and it is that accountability. In like even way. The Times going to pass,...

...but this dreaming you've got like the next year, it is more it is going to pass like if you haven'till not take an action. It's down to you, like if you want on the year pass when you still thinking are and then then and then people will say, you know what, I should have started last year, and then the way another year to start it, and then they'll probably be looking back at this year this time getting Oh, I should have just started it then, but I can't now, and it's like it. It's like a circle that people go in. They'll spend do like the like to put things off today because because now is in the perfect time and they should have started last year, but then it's time they'll be still be saying, well, you know what, Things Aren't pee if because should have taken action last year when I said, when I said I should have, and I'll just go around in this circle, whereas if they were taken action, they would be a lot more fit further forward than they would be at the end. HMM, yeah, not. Yeah, so that's definitely true. I think, like regret isn't a good emotion to have, and feeling like you should have done more. I mean I think I hit that place of things that New Year's around New Year's, I kind of feel like, you know, there's certain things I should have done. All Time I wasted on certain things, and that can kind of be a utter this, can't it's kind of like turn things around, you know, if you, like I said, if you reach a certain point in yourself. I don't think that we shouldn't have to reach a certain place in our lives sometimes or experience certain emotions to do certain things or experience pain, but I think sometimes that is like the major changing point, doesn't it? I think, especially if what you did in your life, you know, saying enough enough somewher house when yeah, I agree and you're very right, and what you say that people you don't. You don't like a lot of people act out of pain and move away from pain. But you don't actually have to have this huge setback to take action. You can. You can take actually without having to go through a big life changing events. It's just a lot of people, like myself, and possibly yourself as well for starting the podcast, like that pain. You've gone. You know, I want to change and I want to do something and it's that acting. You can you can take actually whenever you want to. But most people do act out of pain and that's something that I've done in yeah, I think maybe if I didn't have that pain like I will, I wouldn't be doing this. Yeah, amazingly easy to think. Yeah, I think. Yeah, Tony Robins has something like it's using pain and pleasure. Are Not letting pain and pleasure usually on them like. But yeah, there's a woman I spoke to, I had a podcast on Monday's episode, and she has got from her pain. She's some purpose, she's some purpose in the pain. And a real key point that I know you mentioned then about New Year's, E. on New Year's and you felt a lot of regret and yeah, it can be horrible if you focus on that regret for too long, if you dwell on that regret, then it can probably cause you to not take action. But if you then go, okay, I regret not doing that, I didn't do that, I didn't do that. What can I learn now moving forward? What can I do differently? What do I want to do? What can I do? What strengths can I take from that to move forward? What resources did I have then and what resources do I need now? What support did I have then and what support do I need now? And it's analyzing this and there's no such fingers failure, it only feedback and when you ask them questions and where. Okay, so that didn't go to plan. So what did I learn now? What resources did I have? What resources do I need moving forward to apply to this? And when you see it's just it's an experience. It's not good, it's not bad, it's just an experience that you have had, then you can learn from that. Yeah,...

...and I think definitely hit a nail and out there with that. It's looking at your resources, isn't it? And be honest with you, so have a lot. You have a lot. You have a lot more support of resources around you. Then you think you may have, but you don't know it until you start asking better questions and you start actually going okay, yeah, and make it a fun process as well. Like make it a fun process, enjoy the fact that you're learning, you're learning about yourself and that you're going to be awesome. You're going to be extraordinary. Everyone's extraordinary and awesome. It's just drawing that out of you. HMM. Yeah, not as clearly. It's leaving yourself and believing that you know, you've you are awesome and you can achieve what you say your mind to do and, you know, enjoying the process. And the last something I've got to learn from doing this being patient, you know, being quite. I've gone full of energy and I like to hit the ground running and, you know, learning to be vulnerable. You know, I've learned to be vulnerable, patient and join the process, because things take time and we, you know, we ever so used within a society where we can get instant gratification and you know, learning to that delayed gratification. Yeah, and just eats. That true. Going with it. It's true gratification, and the long term success is that you're working towards and kind of anyone who's like it's that there now. And you know, I'm not extraordinary, I'm not amazing, I'm not there or anything like that, because I've had them thoughts before. Everybody has. I'm fought. It's just how you deal with them. But if there's a few facts that kind of have got you where you are now, is the fact that the fact that you're born is, I think it's one in one, one and four hundred quadrillion. It's like right, right now, you've got blood company around your body. You've got a finger in your body, you're a heart in your body that's beating that you control your breathing in oxygen. You've got millions and billions of neutrons firing off as you sit here listening to this. You've got arms, you've got you can control. It just fascinates me and every thinks every seven years you are a completely new person. Every seven years, every single cell, atom, molecule, nucleus in your body, from islet, from eyes to hair to nose, to skin to your heart, every single thing that's in your body right now, in seven years time, will not be there because it will be replaced. That's fascinating and that shows it you that you are awesome and you are pretty incredible and you guess, well, yeah, might do anything about it. Fine, good, yeah, yeah, it's it's pretty mindblowing, isn't it? When you think of it, and those terms of how that's how you know life is and how we are and how much, how how powerful we are and how powerful our brains are. You know, I think like we just need to type into that and be learned, Leo, learn how we work, learn how, learn what we struggle. We've learned what our Struan saw, and tap into that and be like, okay, well, I'm not good at this, but you know, I'm gonna, yeah, practice, get good at that. Lee End, your perception of what you're not good at will be better than somebody else, he's perception of what at that particular task. And I think we can get so caught up in of what I'm not good at, but we don't actually realize, you know what, I'm actually good at this. We focus on what we're not good at. When we're...

...actually good at something, it's so yeah, but that's like it's practice, isn't it? Like, you know, you do something twice, you know like's like learning to drive, isn't it? You're not great when you start telling strive. Yeah, so everyone's different, but some people it just good in summer areas. But you know, you don't feel confident. I don't. You know, I felt my test three times. No Way. I passed on my third time. So and then, you know, even it's on me like, I think, a good year or so to gain confidence and every one time. Isn't it in practice where there maybe something, maybe an airywhere, let's say, somebody who is yeah, the pass first time and you passed the few times, but then in another area they may want to start a podcast but not have the confidence. Where you started a podcasting, you've got the confidence. Just because you haven't got confidence in one air of your life doesn't mean you haven't got confidence in another area, your area of your life, and you can then. Okay, well, what is the difference? Okay, I'm I say I'm not confident at driving, but I'm confident at starting a podcast or I'm confident at swimming. What can I learn from my swimming and what Kinut or whatever? That is what strengths? What these sources of I got that can I I can apply to driving, because just because you're not confident one area doesn't mean that you're not confident inever. You any, any every other area. And it's the same with if you're confident on one area doesn't mean that you're confident in every other area. HMM. Yeah, muscively, muscibly. How did you feel with podcasts when you first saw it up? It has, I feel. I was like, what on ear for you, doing it was like speaking into a microphone. You're not educated in terms of how to do this. Who's going listen to you? You're from stoke on Trent in England, which is my accents, probably isn't the most attractive one. I speak too quickly, I'm on Bolope, my wordness, and I was like it's listen to me, I'm just gonna put it out there. I was hectrify out of what people would think and that I just yeah, that that, and that was that. And what did you want? How did you find? How do you feel? I think I felt pretty nervous. I felt, I remember, like butterfly. I mean, I did it on this same platform and I shall butt flies. I just was wondering a lot of people going to think, you know, who he's going to listen to it. Lots of kind of irrational thoughts. And Yeah, I didn't. I just worried a lot. I just worried about people think how I sound hasn't to come across. And it's pretty crazy when you think about it, isn't it? Like before we do something we can have all these like negative, worrying thoughts, but when you know, when you do it, it becomes out under easy and now you've got the fifty episodes now. Yeah, I I feel like I had to learn to just keep consistent with it, but I feel I feel a lot more confident now compared to when I first started. I think it helped my confidence having certain guests on that hard achieved. You know, choose a lot of different things, quite because I think what one guy had arms like an army coun so he's got a quite big reputation. I remember feeling like...

...yeah, massively nervous, not thinking God, you know this person. I want to get it right. But when you break it down, yeah, you know, we're all people. At we're all people and the person that you're talking to any microphone is a person has feelings, has believes that they struggle with a just a normal person, to just look a little bit different to you and don't different things. Yeah, but it yeah, yeah, sorry, but but I was just going to say, Lo, I'm I'm from months, from months and not too far from still contra. Yes, of accent. Wise, we're midland, has been even north, and neither self. Yeah, it can be nervous, and it is nervous. And but I always think if you're feeling nervous about something, if you're having that self doubt, if you're having them thoughts, like use them, like be like okay, like I'm having self doubt, I'm having these nerves. What is the reason why I'm having these? Always because I'm doing something new. It's because I'm pushing myself. So see the nervousness, either self doubt, as a sign of I'm actually doing something that's different and moving forward and growth. See, it is growth and not I shouldn't be feeling this. I shouldn't be feeling this. Feel it, embrace it and everything right. I'm going to use it. Yeah, that's a really good point, as a really good point, like it's questioned, it questioning what you're feeling, being like, you know, how can I use this. It's like even if you're like going into a new situation with podcasts or working out its start paining, you know it's because through that pain and uncle being uncomfortable, you then going to grow on you, like I said, with growth. I had a woman on my podcast called Nave and she does like public speaking and video marketing for companies, and she said sometimes when she's on stage and there's lots of people, she feels really nervous and she said she openly says to the people, look, I'm actually feeling really nervous and says by letting people know that she's nervous, it kind of dissipates, it goes and then it doesn't make them think, because if somebody's feeling something and they're communicating, it's like if you listened to a part well watch a presentation, you're kind of thinking to yourself, is our person? Does that person there? What they're talking about? Why are they speaking a certain way, whereas if you're honest with yourself and let people know, yeah, it was amazing shows that's human and I think. I think as well, like when I started to go to different seminars, people would be on stage and I'd be like wow, that's so successful. There's so confident. They knew what they're doing. When you speak to the math, they're like, oh, yeah, so near this, could you tell you know? So everybody get. Everyone gets these nears, do the and it's it's like it's like a real, real I open it to everyone's vulnerable, everyone's got these self doubts, but it's just if you decide to stick with them and let them rule you or you will them. Yeah, and you can kind of channel that energy in those feelings and to making the best the situation with them. Can you think like if and if you don't have that bit of excitement before you do something or nervousness, it doesn't show that you're passionate about or you that you don't care? There's a funny sound up comedian I like, called Joey Diaz, and he his Cuban and he said he had like a fullblown, you know, anxiety talk...

...or Steve was on the stage doing a stand up front of these people and it came off stage and in the director was like Gosh, she's like, I was amazing. Can you do that again? And he was like what you mean is like I just had a full bad anxiety typecast doing it was done, and the cauldn't tell brilliant. No, it's it's fascinating and I think what it is is we just get ourselves so wound up, you, got ourselves so oh my God, this is going to happen, or we just play a scenario over and over and over and over, and I'm mine, then more than likely it's not going to be a positive one, because we like to focus on the negatives. But what stops you from just going know you, I'm going to pay, I'm going to play this going well, I'm going to play this actually working out for me, and that's something was getting the secret the the on this on Netflix in the book. That is something that they talk about at the law of attraction and attracting positives, attracting what you want to happen instead of what you do want to happen, because what you attract you get. HMM, no, I do's a really good book and Really Good Program on a film and I think like yeah, a lot of attraction. You know, a lot of people don't know what it is or don't know much about it, but it's it's definitely real and, like you know what you think. You attract, you chow that you attract things into your life. Base. Who how you think and I isn't it? And I think there's another quote comes by and it's like something like whether you say you're right, whoever you say, you can all call you Henry Ford. Yeah, it is. It was. Just say it's if you EF somethin you can't. You think you can't see your previous self right. And it's true. Like yeah, you think you can, you more than likely will. There's a Jim Rome and he says that about positivity and like positivity. People say our positivity, I'll be positive and you can achieve anything. And he says, well, like I'm not a brain surgeon. If I want to do brain surgery a positive intention, a positive attitude, I probably wouldn't do it, but he said I'd do it better than I would with a negative one. And you're like Oh, yeah, okay, I got yeah, I got that. Don't do it. Try Rain Surgery, I mean I don't try it. Yeah, ving test. If you went into a negative mindset, you would probably with like a like I'm not going to do this or anything. Then you would probably not do it. But if you went to a positive one, you do better than you would have a negative one. Yeah, I've definitely found out with job interviews, quite a lot of job interviews, and I remember like sometimes I'd be I'll be confident, but like if I want to move halfass approach. You know when this is like when I was a, you know, seventeen, eighteen, some job in to use and I'd be like yeah, Bill Ger feel go okay, yeah, up, your right, and then sometimes you know I won't get the job. Well, who's like yeah, I'm going to give it everything or really want it? It just kind of Si a difference in the shop and Pencil and one that's not, you know, quite shop. It's the start, extra edge, and that person's going to see on every end already. And if you think it's going to go okay, more lightly, that's going to go okay. If someone ask you the question, asked after how did it go? Yeah, okay, go you. You said he was yeah, yeah, good. Anymore positive. you smile, you set up right, your head comes up even more, your tone changes, you've language that you use changes. But if you feel if you can go with an okay attitude, you're going to look like you're okay, not...

...positive, but yeah, it's fast, it's fascinating. It the little things that you can do that can have a huge outcome. HMM, all right, eyes Ay, but definitely a great definitely great. But I's just clo kind of like round, like round of the podcast. I will do any like advice you'd give to people you know listening to this going through. Yeah, it's one in time. First of all, advices is would be that this will end like. It's okay. If you feel a love and anxious, it's okay. If you feel in a little bit stress or worried, like don't try and push them away, except that, except that it's completely natural and just what can you learn from that and what can you move and I'll can you move forward with that and use that. But it's big thing for me is about creating a vision and it's something that I really have to work on with people and it's creating that vision. So, let's say, if you're in lockdown now and you don't want to feel worried, you don't want to feel stressed, you don't want to feel you want to go back to that job that you're dreading going back to sell what you don't want and your vision. There is you, and if you to think about what that looks like, you're probably going to see yourself in the job. You probably going to see yourself worrying, stressing. It's that. What do you want instead? What has to happen? What do you want to happen, and what does it want? Was that loot like? How does that make you feel? How will you know? And when you start asking then you can start to then attract things into your life that you do want and not what you don't want. Not Be my advice to ask yourself them questions. HMM, yeah, I sorry. Yeah, so, and that would that would be a just to really focus on that vision what you do want from life. Yeah, I a complete I could agree. And just asking you some of those questions, isn't it? And just you know, even if you're right along any these people like you're you're actually now is that of going h don want their us. I don't want that, which you're all guilty of it, all completely guilty of it. Instead of doing that, you're going to go, well, what do I have? One? What do I want from this lotdown period? What this is? Do I want to create how do I want to feel or how do I want to be going back? What mindsettle? What exercises do I want to be doing? Not The all, not doing any exercises. What exercise do you want to be doing? And it's just asking yourself the questions and changing it from the negative to the positive. So that's that's really important. That changed my life and I'm seeing the results from people that I work with who are just having huge change by actually realize folcusing on what they want. HMM. Now, I think, I think you you've done, you know, an awesome job. You know of what you've done and that process of, you know, sign your house, traveling and really kind of like doing what you want to do. You know, and I think you do. You doing great. You welcome it and you're doing go in your podcasts and coaching advice, Verus wellful shows you doing. It takes guts to speak into a microphone with no one talking about to you. It does, because it's different and yeah, it takes good. So I will say is once against win and you will, you will, you will crush it. We funk you. Thank you and thank you. No, I very welcome, very welcome, and it time and ti here on yours as well some time as well. Yeah, of course...

I'll. Um, I'll put your links where we can people find social media. Wise, social media once a major social medias, but primarily it's Instagram, which my podcast is impact coaching podcast. I've also also got my personal page which is impact coaching, underscore and LP, and then I've actually got a facebook group that I'm building which is master your future and it's around millennial transformation. So yeah, it's all focused around there. That's also appreciate. Thank you very much. I'll include all that in this as well. Yeah, now you're welcome. Its Friday and every day the podcast for days. Well, when I speak to your soon, take at yeah, sweet, I've a good day everyone,.

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