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The Parrsitivity Podcast
The Parrsitivity Podcast

Episode 93 路 2 years ago

The Parrsitivity Podcast #Episode 9

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Adrian is a student mentor, entrepreneur, business mentor, customer service specialist, English specialist, business, English language tutor, mental health assistant, comitee member. With an array of life experience from travelling around the globe, to working for the police. And runs a website called https://www.notablechangeintl.com/ In this podcast we talked about fear, mindset, education, society, emotions, beliefs, work, happiness, passion, life experiences, travelling and success. Enjoy!!! Oh and I will be getting a new mic soon! 馃挴 --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/the-parrsitivity-podcast/message

For I'm lucky. Yeah, yeah, good, very good. How about you? Yeah, just want to start up the much funky for are you welcome, happy to help out. Honestly, yeah, I really appreciate it, but I was researching on from quilt stop. Yeah, I would say too much. WHO's goods? All all mark experiences. That's exactly how I've looked at it, Adam. To be honest, I discovered quite early on in my life that I wasn't really an academic sort of person in in the main way that people think about academics. I loved reading, I was a bit of a an introvert, I loved art, I love reading, and that was about it really. But I couldn't pass exams, and that was a major hurdle for me, and not least because I also suffered some rather major I on this is as a youngster, which caused me to miss a lot of school. So that's and then I just found that it was much easier for me to learn by simply watching and then doing. And if I'd had the presence of mind back there would have, you know, would have gone and done some some sort of you know, work alongside somebody, learning as I went along. But that didn't happen. So instead I decided to simply do a lot of traveling and meet as many people as I could, have as many experiences as I could and just learn from it that way. So I've had a, you could say, a rather organic growing up experience and I've done most of my learning simply by being amongst it, if you like, probably the first waves, not thrown so into it free of Al Yeah, it certainly worked for me and I would never ever say that I would give anybody advice, but I what I would do is offer my experience as a potential for some people if they felt that that they they felt that they wanted to do something that was a little bit different. I've certainly done it and I've come out unscathed, more or less. Yeah, kind of friends of our confusion isn't believe me, Adam really I I was not, in any way, shape or form what you'd call a go getter, brave, outward extrovert. None of those words applied to me, none of them. I was a complete introvert and I simply just decided to push myself out of my comfort zone, just face my fears, and I've got to say that it worked for me. Yeah, I know may not work for everybody. It were all different, but if you think that it might work for you, it's a great way to to combat and surmount your fears. Absolutely so, kind of what gave you the initial spot? What kind of got spot to do it? Yeah, that I think that's a really good question and I suppose that the easiest way to answer that is I went through a timiltus event in my life. Something happened to me in my late teens and I just needed to get away. As young as I was, I was sort of staring down at the barrel of depression and I really didn't know what I was going to do with my life. And the first step I took back in the day, when obviously before mobile phones and the like, back in the day we used to read magazines and in the back of one particular magazine there was an ad but simply saying, if you want to get away from it all and do something completely different, why not join a kid boots in Israel and a kid books, for anyone that doesn't know, is basically a group, a social group. It's like a little a little village that...

...is completely self sufficient. So they cook for themselves, clean for themselves, they grow their own fields and cattle and they just take care of themselves. Money is not really involved in the life that they live in this community. It's a community is a better word for it. And I thought, wow, okay, great, I need to get the hell out of here or I'm going to do something that I'll regret. And I literally took complain to Israel and just that was my first ever major incident of living completely outside of my comfort zone. Foreign country, New People, different language I didn't understand and living a completely different way of life as well. And from that moment on that really changed the way a I lived my life. I mean it actually changed me. I came back in a lot of my friends, even that that I still have today, said when you came back from Israel, you are not the same person. And I've been away almost four months and just throwing myself under the bus, if you like it. Did it for it's like like jumping into a into an icy pool. You do you either going very, very slowly and prolong the agony, would you just jump in and go for it. And I became that person after the events of me going to Israel. I became that person that jumped in because when I found out that I didn't. You know, you people, we look at we look at big risks that we take in our lives and we will look back in our history thing wow, you know, I made that decision and I just went for it. We all do it. We just don't recognize it sometimes. And when you take that risk and then you find that you have survived that risk, there's nothing more to to stop you. Yeah, you know, people make the plunge to to buy their first house or their first apartment or whatever. That's that's a risk. You know, you take a you take a mortgage or or you take a loan or something. That's a risk and we never think all, you know, maybe I shouldn't do this, because you just do it. You just get on and do it. You think, well, I have to keep my job now or, you know, I've got to bring in the money. Everything in life is a risk and we have to realize that we've actually done a lot of risks in our lives getting to the point we're at right now, at this particular moment. So what's to stop us taking more risks? We just have to really have the belief, the real belief in ourselves that whatever happens, even if it was a bad, bad decision, it was a bad choice, it was a bad risk, we're going to come out all right at the other end. We might come out a little bit scratched and bruised, we might come out with less money, but we're going to we're going to deal with it and we're going to win and we're going to surmount it. And I think these are risks that people can take in their day to day lives. I'm not sorry about physically risking your health or your life. We're just talking about making decisions that may alter your life and that can only be beneficial for all of us if we actually try to see what boundaries there are, because really, my point is that there aren't any. There aren't any boundary. So boundaries are all in our heads and if we would just take the occasional calculated risk way up, well, you know, when am I hoping to get out of this? What's the worst that can happen? Am I going to be shot at dawn? No, you're not. So what's stopping it is your own fear, and if it's a fear, then this is something that you need to deal with, because it's not good to be a slave to fear, to be completely beholden to fear. Otherwise you are being limited, and if you're being limited, you're you're stopping yourself from growing. So there's nothing out there to fear, literally, except fear itself, as a wise man once said. And we have to we have to sort of get over this feeling that you're not good enough or you're too scared, or that you'll be ridiculed. I think really cools got a big, big parts of play in white people don't take risks because if you don't do something, then no one can really criticize you if all fails. And I can understand that, I trust me. I've been through that a lot in my life, but over the years, maybe age has got something to do with it, but eventually you just don't care what other people think of you or your life...

...choices and you just say, I'm doing this for me. My friends are always be my friends, no matter what. Crazy stand typell, but we have to do things in order to learn. You don't try something, you don't risk something, you don't learn, you don't grow, you don't learn and you don't grow, you don't become the best version of yourself that you could be. All those experiences are going to shape you and they might even lead you into a completely different direction than you started out, and it just might be the direction that that you need to be going in. That first from this releif other new yes, my stores spoil exactly exactly. Would someone? So there's our fault. Ovidence real something? Yeah, it is. We have to we have to explore, and we don't need to have a degree in psychology to to just try and find out what the building bricks of who we are, I mean really who we are in terms of what gives us passion, what makes us angry, that the basis of our emotions. Find out what it is that that makes you tick. And by far one of the biggest, if not the biggest, building block we need to examine is fear. Why are we afraid? And we're afraid because it's it's inherent, is part of our DNA as a human beings. would be pretty useless if we didn't have the emotion of fear. But we cannot let it control us. We can't let sensory perceptions control us. We have to take on board what the sense is telling us and then decide how much of that information we're going to accept and how much of that information is going to control our next decision. You know, I mean there's a there's a famous phrase, which is feel the fear and do it anyway. Actually, that that encapsulates it perfectly. It's no one saying don't be afraid. On my goodness, be afraid, I'm afraid. But I then am quite logical, pragmatic and STOIC, if you like, about the decisions I'm making my life. I try and understand and make a decision based on logic as quickly as I can, but I never seem to be able to tell myself, well, this is a completely bad idea. You can find positives in everything and you should be looking for the positives in everything, because it's those positives that are going to lead us to new experiences. I mean, you could you know that the old the old thing about flying, people who are afraid of flying, and I completely sympathize with that. I don't have a fear of flying, but my wife does. She's absolutely petrified and I have to sit next to her on the flight. So when she's grabbing my hand and digging her nails in. Yeah, I do get it, but, as I say to her, at least you've actually done it. You've you're actually here on the plane. So every time you're doing that you're having an experience, and a positive one, that is eventually going to change your attitude towards flying. Yeah, I can kind of relate to I mean I'm I'm pretty killed, but I if I think I'm on a plane, I can feel a little a little bit anxious. I went away with my girl crim somewhere even mom and she's really used to fly and troubled all everywhere. Yeah, he's more was. You know, I do always get on a plane. Yeah, sometimes, so I think, if I ever think it, think I think the work. That's it. That's it. You just hit in there right on the head. You think the worst. And this is this is something we all do. I do it, we all do it. It's natural. That's human nature right there. That's that's your caution warning you you're about to your run, to put your life in basically someone else's hands, that the pilot and the engineers and the builders of that plane, and you are obviously afraid of that. That's that's that's a fear, because you're thinking of the worst case scenario because you didn't have a hand in building that plane and you don't have a hand in flying that plane and, going aside from that, you've got big on Mother Nature and these are all things that are going through...

...your head and telling you, you know, I can see the negatives here and I think that we all need to. That's fine, and feel that because it's been it be ridiculous for you not to hear those messages going through your head. But we have to then sort of not silence them, but took them down, if you like, and say well, listen all, I'm one of the positives, I'm going to my destination, I'm going to get there a lot quicker than I would if I walked. And you know, you do statistics as well and say, well, you know, what was the likelihood that something bad is going to happen, and you just took yourself out of the negativity and you took yourself into the positivity. That's what we have to try and do. It's not easy. I still have it, believe me. I still I still worry and fear and fret about about many things in life, but I am aware I'm doing it and that's when I start talking positively to myself and say now, why you focusing on the negative? Why it's well, I became a respecti visitor, yes, something else and having a new lands look different. We have to we have to know one has the answers or or the solutions. I can't give you answers and anyone that tells you that they can is it's just lying. It's all subjective. It's all how you feel, how you see, how you think and and all I'm trying to help people with and in the course of my day in my life, is to help people try and listen to the positivity inside them, which they have, but they just prefer that the negative side has a has a more shouty voice and comes through clear and I'm just trying to tell people that just turn that volume down, not off. It's I'm not telling people to to turn that completely off. It it's there for a reason. Is there to protect us, but you don't always have to listen to it as being the only voice that there is and we should just try and calmly think of the positives in life and and and the great things that are out there waiting for us, if only we would just take that first little step and found out that, hey, guess guess what, we didn't falter, we didn't fall down. I can do this, and just put another step in front and keep putting one foot in front of the other, and we can do it. I'm just looking my dial with other God, your just thought about frontos. got a quote by those one bad AH. Yes, it serves it always seems impossible, correct. I love that saying as well. I think that's great. And we all do this. We all do this. We think, we see things, we see problems and we think, oh, how am I going to get through this? Will guess what you will, if you've got this far in life, and I doubt anyway on this planet has a simply grown up on a bed of cotton wall. We've all had to do things that were uncomfortable to do, that were uncomfortable to learn. That hurts, that made us cry, that made us afraid, but we're here, right now, me, right now. I've been it was listening to this right now. You're here and you're only here because, guess what, you took risks. You don't see them as risks because you've completed the journey, as Nelson Mandela I said. You know, everything seems impossible until the job's done and we've forgotten conveniently, the risks that we've taken and then we think, well, I haven't taking any risks in my life. Oh, I think you'll find that you have. You just need to think back to when something was new, the first time you did it, and you can realize you can do anything. You just have to be in the right frame of mind, and the right friend of mind is simply talking positively to yourself. Well, it's so it's so important and to for us to to try and be as positive as we can be in this life, because negative feelings, negative thoughts, are simply negative and they are they draw your strength, they deplete your strength, mentally, physically, spiritually, and we have to really get that in check, get im balance. Yeah, it's a lot easier to be more suppose. I think will wild not those on. Oh, I totally agree. We are as a...

...as a survival mode. And here's the irony is that it's supposed to be a survival technique is to always look at things cautiously and negatively, you're wondering if something's going to hurt you and if you weigh up that, it's going to hurt you more than you leave it alone. But here's the thing. The irony is that that negativity is actually holding us back. That survival mode isn't allowing us to survive, if you like, it's not letting US evolved, to give it the proper term. It's allowing us to survive another day. But have we evolved at all? If we haven't taken that chance, if we haven't taken that fight, if we haven't stepped outside the cave, if we hadn't decided, you know, I am going to fight that that Wolf, or I'm going to take down that mammoth, or no, it's too big and scary, I'm just going to stay inside the cave, we will never evolve, we will never grow muscles, we will never move forward. We need to sometimes over right, as I said, we need to overwrite that that negative voice sometimes, that cynical, fearful voice enough what we're kind of seeing today society quite a lot, you know, and some jobs and corporations and jo fide to people can get used to, even comfortable, get corners Ross and not being challenged or enough, or probably not themselves. Yeah, I agree with you. It does feel a little bit like that these days, more than in the past when I was growing up it, and it is only a feeling. I got no evidence to back it up, but it just does feel that we in some ways that are not being challenged enough or we're not challenging ourselves enough because we're taking, I don't know this, the more efficient, the softer, the easier roots. Sometimes I think that industry as well has a lot to answer for in this regard and I think it's cyclic. I remember twenty years ago industry was not so keen on qualifications and as long as you could show that you were spirited and you you you really wanted to go for it and and the interview could see it in your eyes and thought, well, I'm going to give this chap a go because he looks like he's got the heart for this job. He may not have it on paper, but these days I found it completely the opposite. Again, it's only my experience, but I've I've felt that companies are now only looking for qualifications and and years experience as well, rather than looking at people as human beings with experiences that they can tap into, they can bring to work. I don't know why company seems to be going more becoming more rigid rather than imaginative, and that worries me a little bit. Yes, to quick prosers, I do. That's at the base of it all. That is how I I think that they are doing this is it's because it's a quicker process. It's an easy process for them. Well, you said this. Quite rare places to want to see you in person and all the rest. I mean, I are handed in application to a place, their name give a day and it was kind of us. Yeah, so, what sort of a job in there? You know the window, it's the files in and I went to the upplication and I was talking to manager. So for I was like, as I asked someone how content when there was online and those are all we like to you know, see comes really wow. Yeah, now that is different and I like it. I like it. They gave me ruvocation form and you know it's actually right and fill it in and I was kind of thinking, yeah, haven't had to do them by hanging years. I actually like write it out like ten times on...

...yeah, pay before I actually, I remember those days. So weird, but that's how places should be. You know, she go and talk to them place to face. What I totally agree at them. I think that, again, it's only your feeling, but it feels like industries losing its humanity and I think that industry needs to be careful of that and they need to start talking to people to understand how they tick, to understand how those people are going to bit to work for them, because if you're just hiring someone based on qualifications, then I'm afraid you're simply not going to get the quality based simply on someone writing the correct keywords on their CV. It's just not enough. You need to really know the people who are working for you carrying your name, selling your goods, promoting your products, because otherwise you're going to have people that really aren't on board with your vision for your company. They've got to be on board, and there's any one where you know that, and that's not through a CV. It's actually it's not even in an interview, because we've all done it. We do what we have to to pass the gatekeepers interview stage, but we really need to know who people really are, and there's only one way to do that and that's by having more of from the not an informal talk with them. And I completely understand that most CEOS, D directors hr of this as are all going to say, well, we don't have the time for that, but I'm afraid it is one of the only ways that you will actually find out whether someone, and especially if they're going to be in a particularly delicate position in your in your business. It's the only way to find out if they're right for your business. Your time. It's what time is, your money's your product. Someone's not selling it right. It gives a by the image. They're not done exactly, but persons not pictonates exactly. I mean the companies do their bit to sell themselves by saying, well, you know, this is our vision, this is our mission, our mission statement, and they're trying to show you that, you know, they're on board with the customers or the clients vision as well. But you can't deliver that vision, you can't deliver that service if you don't have the right people working for you, and this is something I'm very passionate about, is finding the right people for those roles, not taking way anything from a CV or from an application form, but you need that that extra how can I put it? You need an extra tool to help you ascertain who is really on board with your vision, who's going to really push your mission forward and deliver of that service to the customer. And there's you know, like you said, your experience of going to the shop. This is fantastic and I think this is something that I hope we'll never lose, including this small shops in our high street. I feel very passionate about community, I feel very passionate about local and I think we should be supporting our local shops are high streets as much as we possibly can. And these, these guys, these business people, these small business and enterprises, they know how to get the right people for the jobs because, as you just said, they decide to actually meet you informally. They wanted to see what you look like, how you sounded, how you held yourself. These are crucial, crucial things, especially when it comes to sales, and I think this is, this is most definitely the way forward for industry. This is that was a great thing that you are part of. Definitely, yeah, I mean it's really nice, something I like. I'm quite like, yeah, it will be nice. I'm not just putting something in online and clicking it. So many, you know, actually meet people, look around, you know it's sure, that's exactly again, you've hit the nail on the head. It's experience and it's an experience that we are set. I mean we ourselves are customers, so we know what we expect from a particular brand or company. So we want to have, we still want to continue having experiences even when we're working for that brand or company, and...

...so the way that that company treats you and the way you interact with them, either as a customer or as an employee, should be more or less the same. And companies need to take this on board and start treating people as as humans and wanting to dig a little deeper and see, let's look at this way, see the customer side of that person who they're about to hire. They should ask more. You know, you're a customer. You know what do you think of our products, or have you bought our products? And if you just treat people are you know, this is simply a humanoid robot is coming to work for me and I don't really care what he or she thinks or says. About our products or how they feel as humans. Even I'm afraid you're you're not going to succeed. You're going to have people unhappy working in the company. That's going to have a knock on effect with their colleagues and eventually we will have a knock on effect, whether it's immediately obvious or not, but it will have an impact on how that company behaves and ultimately it's successes. And that's I've been in a seen it. I've worked in the hotel restaurants in the past. I mean different topical case. Is Stressful, son UN start people. Absolutely, I mean served the service industry is. It's just it's relentless. I think we want to like managers six something like that. In this place I was up, you can kind of you kind of learn about people and kind of gage with someone's hearts, and that's what I like. And people when I go into a coffee shop, you know, especially like I went, I went to cut in the day and I told this guard engagements doing and s the regulars and copy they want to and I could tell who enjoyed it and it was in the club and I was like, yeah, that's nice to see. When you see someone in their craft doing what they looks actually and it's it's symbiotic. If he's happy doing what he's doing, he's bouncing off your energy as well and the other customers energies, so it's organic. He may have started off that way to saying, you know, I'm going to be happy today and I'm going to do that. You know, do do do the I love what I do anyway, but I'm going to do it with a smile, I'll be whistling, all the rest of it. And then you come in and you react off that because it feels great to be served by someone who loves what they're doing. That you your interaction with them, just boost them even more. So they're giving and they're getting from you, and you're exactly the same as a customer. You're getting from from the from the employee, and then you're giving it right back. And this is what we have to start to we know this. We know this anyway, but we have to start really focusing on making a priority in our lives in incensing. Well, do I love what I do? Am I really giving my clients, my customers, the very best experience? And if not, why not? Is it because I'm just tired and you know, and I need a holiday and I've been working to od. That's fair enough. Or is it actually because you don't enjoy it anymore and you don't believe in it anymore? And these are hard facts to face? He's a hard questions to ask ourselves. And it all comes back to how you started off this conversation, which is about fear. And sometimes we fear looking in the mirror. We fear asking ourselves the hard questions, and we have to just do it. We have to jump in that icy water and get the shock over with and and and face the music, I think, and you build resilience. And then someone said on I like, I'll watch. Yeah, Mulso, get comfortable. Absolutely. Yeah, I think I saw that recently Linkedin as well, and I think that's a really great phrase. I wish I'd thought that up, but yeah, get comfortable being uncomfortable, be able to put up with almost anything, and you'll become you become like iron man. You just become so tough because nothing will face you. And that is it's not a skill. I mean you can learn it. Everyone can learn it. You just have to do it. It's like learning another language. I teach English to foreign students...

...every week and, as I tell them that there's no magic pill, there's no magic spell. The only way you're going to conquer this language is by practicing, and the only way you're going to conquer being uncomfortable is by practicing. Do things that make you uncomfortable, make decisions, ask yourself really, really hard questions. There is no other way. Feel the fear and do it anyway. What is the worst you have to ask yourself, and this is a personal question and only you can answer it, and it is what is it that you really are afraid of? What is your biggest fear? And I'll tell you what mine is. You get this one for free. It's simply this is failure. It's simply failure. I I am a little bit competitive and I don't like to lose, and forcing myself to lose and dealing with loss became my biggest challenge, and it still is a challenge today. I don't like to lose and it's it was very hard for me to face up to that. As to why I was not doing well at school, why I was not I didn't want to engage with anything because I didn't want I've thought of you know the way you did. What's the worst that could happen? And I thought, well, the worst I can happen is I'll be laughed at because I failed. So it's ridicule as well as failure that was stopping me from doing anything, and we have to we just have to get comfortable with it. Get comfortable with failure, get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and if you can do that, my God, you just going to conquer everything and nothing will stop you. Well, I what would your spoke? What about? Just my particular fears were failure and ridicule, and they were linked together. So I didn't want to fail and have a everybody sort of pointing and laughing at me. And it was. It was both the failure itself, which would even hurt me even if no one was around, but it was fairly a plus. Public ridicules like kind of part of you know, to things on it like lads of the layers of them. So many other layers are kind of simball or borders of a yeah, kind of see why other some people struggled totally. Oh, I cal all totally sympathize with that because I went through it a promise you as a child. You know, if I met all my schoolmates from when I was growing up between the ages of seven and twelve, they wouldn't recognize me now, because I'm I'm not that person. I was just in the corner with a book. I was a sickly child. I was always ill and I just was afraid of everything I had. I suppose another way that I conquered my fears, and this isn't this isn't a great way to do things, but it was simply I set myself up to fail. I got so angry with myself, as if you even felt that anger with yourself. You hate sometimes the things that you do, the silly things that you do, the negative things that do you think I do. Why am I like this? Why am I like this? And then you just force yourself. You think you know what I just I just don't care. I'm so angry, I don't care. That for me was was was a breakthrough moment, when I've had those, when I've just thought, you know, I've had it with this, I don't care what happens to me after this particular moment. I'm just going to do it and that's done with. Very little thought that's done very rashly and very irrationally and done with the wrong emotion, a lot of anger or frustration. But sometimes I've done things in that mood and when I've come out the other side and I've won of conquered whatever it was, I just thought, like the Nelson Mandela thing, well, I thought it was impossible before and I was just angry before, but I've actually done it and there was nothing to it. You know, I as a chart, as a very young child, I had my teeth knocked out, so I've got three or four folks teeth in my head which I've had since I was eight. And after that I just I wasn't able to have any selfconfidence and worse, you...

...know, if I wouldn't get involved in any physical arguments, if I thought someone was going to fight me or hit me, you know just run away. And I got so angry with my my fear and my weakness that I just decided again just just do it and I I enrolled into a kickboxing class in my tent s and I thought, you know, like you with a plane or other people have with their fears, I just thought, well, I'm probably going to get punched in their heads and get knocked out or probably, you know, have an aneurysm and die orthough not, although not, my false teeth out and I'll be I'll have no teeth in my head and look like an idiot. So I had all these negative thoughts and I got angry with myself that having these negative thoughts and I just went to the club anyway, I just started taking part and nothing happened. The worst case scenarios did not come to pass. I didn't get my teeth knocked out, I didn't get an aneurism, I didn't get knocked out either, and I actually found I really enjoyed it and that I was actually rather good at it. My fear of being hit actually worked out as a positive because I was able to catch people's punches before they reached my face, and I remember the instructor saying you're actually one of the fastest not only punches, but you can catch a punch to and that had only come from one thing, and that was that, the fear that I had before, and it's coming out the other side. It's so, you know, I'll I'll bet, I'll probably die and then doing it and come me I'm saying, well, I didn't die. Well, if I apply that to actlutely everything I do in my life, then guess what I've I have got a problem doing anything, and now I'm comfortable being uncomfortable. But we it's to put it another way, we have to give up. We have to give up, and that sounds such a weird thing to say, and I don't mean it in the phrase that we normally use give up, as I mean we have to give up this feeling and we have to say, you know what, I just don't care. I'm going to do it. I've thought about it. There are lots of negatives, but they're also a lot of positives, and just throw yourself at it and give it your best shot, because that's all we've got it in life. We've only got the one shot and that's why we show up every day. So let's fear and just more positivity for what we need. All they like that. I think we could all do better as a human race if we all took this attitude. Nothing wrong with with having the fear. It's just feeling it, knowing it, understanding that it's telling me what it was designed to do, which is to protect me, but I must also realize that I have the power to overcome not only the fear itself but that which is mate giving me that fear. Well, Google, and this is what we need to train ourselves to do. This more and more every day. I mean you see a lot of the linkedin is putting on on their posts. You know, find something that frightens you and do that every day. It's not a bad it's not a bad way to look at things if you can find something that is not going to induce a heart attack or anything. But I mean if you can find something that you're uncomfortable I think they should just say find something that's uncomfortable and do that rather than something that you fear, but something you're not comfortable or you haven't been comfortable doing up until this point. I think that's a great idea. If you think I really don't like doing that, do it some more. Make yourself go and do it until it doesn't hold any fear for you to do it again. Oh, I'm really scared of public speaking. Right then, this is your new task. You are going to go and do as much public speaking is as you've got time to do it. But you aren't going to do it until it just holds absolutely no fear for you, until it's just like like a walk in the park, you can do it. That I mean the public speaking. We've all had that. I've had it. I don't have it anymore, but it was always I'm going to be laughed at. Why do we think this? Why do we think in ridicule? How many of those people sitting listening to us or standing listening to US could do it?...

We all have that fear. They're actually hoping you're going to be rather good, they're willing you to be good. So we just have to we have to conquer our own feels and the only way, as I said before, as I say every day to my foreign students, is practice. There's no other way. You want to learn another language, you want to learn how to do something you couldn't do yesterday, well, there's any one way, and that's practice. Actually do it. Last grow of what is is something I think like that needs speak preach. You know, I'll talk quite education and things like that, and this is you know, if your teachers so all of this to college or school, you know who think a lot of us. I totally agree. I don't totally agree. It's what's missing in education. I'm passionate about it. You casion as well and like you, and probably like a lot of people out there, I think there's a lot missing from modernday education and we know what it is. And for some reason, and I don't I haven't figured out yet, but but it it's just not being introduced into the curriculum. We're still so very old in the way we do things. We like to think we're using cutting edge technology, and okay, technology, yes we are, but in schools we're not using different teaching methods that are radical and reach out to people, reach out to to the youth to inspire them. And even when I've seen the adverts for teachers on TV and they're looking for inspirational people to be teachers, but when I see how young a lot of the teachers are, and it's not taking away youth at all. But I do feel there's a lot to be said for people with a lifetime of experience to be at least, if not teachers, and they need to be teaching assistance or they need to be invited in at regular intervals to inspire the pupils. In other ways other than academic. Because children, we were all children. We know how we were and, to be honest, a lot of us, I don't think, really change all that much. We still have we still look at life in terms of wonder and excitement and we need to feed that. We shouldn't be muting it, we should be we should be feeding it. We should be feeding our creativity to inspire us to do greater things than we've achieved so far. And we are still in this method of looking at life through simply collecting as much money as possible in order so that we can have nice continue our work. So we have a nice house in a nice car, we use that Nice car to get back to work. Why aren't we doing things that we actually want to do? Money is great, I love money. I want to have a lot of money, but I'm comfortable with being uncomfortable and if I don't have it, that's okay too. But one thing that is ultimately more important for me than money, and that's doing something I love and believing. If I don't love it, I won't believe in it, and if I don't believe in it, the clients of the customers not going to believe in it and that would be in all sensicive me and the clients in the customer or not be getting any value for me at all. And guess what, normal I I'm not going to be getting anything out of it myself. I'm going to be simply depleting my energy for how many hours it is about work, doing something I don't enjoy, coming home tired, waking up tired and then doing it all again. And millions of us do this every day. It's well, are you make correct? Exactly right, and this is going back to your point that you brought up about education. This is something we need to teach in schools. You know, we're talking a lot right now on linkedin and and other platforms about empathy in the workplace and empathy in general and...

...being kind. We're better to start this information, to start this education than in a school. We're learning it people like you and me, you know, who've lived a life and had businesses and being employees. We're learning it now. We should have been learning this when we were seven and eight years of age, and this is something that needs to be definitely addressed in schools, colleges, any educational institute to to just to make society a better place for all of us to live in. Yes, businesses about competition, but there are ways of having a competition in life that that don't involve people being miserable as they enter that competition. Order come a pre program between absolutely we are preprogrammed and the the problem with that preprogramming is, generally speaking, it feels to most people, obviously business owners, that well, there's nothing really broken and if it's not broken, why fix it? But we have to, and especially these business leaders need to, and I think they have been looking at the amount of people with mental health issues, depression, people on people who have been on long term sickness leave, and I think slowly, slowly, slowly, it's dawning on a lot of people that we need to start improving the way we take care of ourselves as individuals to begin with, and secondly, how we take care of others, not only that we care for in our own family, but also if we are leaders or business owners, we have a responsibility to our employees and to those who work for us, and if we're not going to treat them right, then they aren't going to bring their best to work. I mean, I've experience that some places of works and where, yeah, good managers experience some some managers of how you know, the tapular side. Don't feel yeah yourself. You have a chat with them their time. I've seen some managers where money states for you do things wrong. There's no communication while still that was happening and it's just a conversation where just being negative and critical. Or you might you know mighty job or these warnings and places, and it's very corporate wall especially some of these places. It's like one targets or why copper slow? You know, rather than being a pupit, you know, might be a correct the might be a reason. And this is you again. You hit Meill on the head. This is what we need to change. Is is the fact that they're not even bothering to look at it like that. It's business is still operating on this level of this is this is what you have to do. Just go away and achieve it. I don't bring me problems, just bring me solutions. And this is what I'm hoping is beginning to change throughout the business world that they are realizing again they had a fear, because we took about fear at right at the beginning. They had a fear that people would just maybe if they gave time to their employees, to their staff, they thought that they might be losing out, they thought they thought that they might be losing profit. So I think what they're starting to realize and get over the fear of is that actually know it's having such a beneficial effect. If we show empathy and we show kindness and we show support and we show understanding to our employees, they're going to come back, they're going to stay longer, they're going to do more, they're going to be better, better workers, because they're happy workers. Yeah, because I saw one of gold these pols sat I w yeah, some guys. This guy was basically saying I...

...want to go into business. o. The people on happy is them and wonders why the do? Why go? And you said, you know, why don't you just take them, take out, so you've got a hundred and foy hundred people working for you to take twenty a week? Yeah, and just sit down in five or two minutes last. Yeah, what is it exactly? Just do that one box. That's why I think stop meetings important. That's why I think meetings are important. I worked for someplace with it never have stuff meetings or they don't discuss some news among people. Feel about I think is crazy. I mean, I think I've worked in two places are actually got stung. You know, just just connect with people, get the opinions on the job or a but he's the thing is, it's it's not that easy. Is Easier said than done when perhaps a person who is taking the meeting finds it difficult to themselves to the open, to be to have sympathy, to have empathy, and this is something that, again, that I'm interested in, is if you don't have a seam leader who has those qualities, then you may find yourself, as as a business, with issues further on down the line. We need someone who is authentic when they are connecting with people. We know when we are just being given lip service. I've been to meetings like that where you know the leaders didn't come across as truly caring. They were just doing all this just because they've been told they had to do this. And this is the flip side of that. You can have your team meetings, but are they actually of value? And the only way you're going to get value is if you have someone who is leading that meeting, opening up the floor to to their colleagues and really showing that they actually give a dam about them and that they themselves don't don't give the impression that they're scorning it and think it's petty and silly. If you have those people working for you, then I'm afraid you have to consider that the workplace is perhaps a little bit toxic. Anyone who can't value another person's feelings is is not helping your industry, they're hindering it. You appreciate you more like to work there enjoying jobs. This is a little even if I never see the completion there or that's about. You remembers something mentioned. HMM. Absolutely everything does, everything has a knock on effect. Everything is links to everything else to some degree, and it is vital that we realize that. We think a lot of things aren't connected that actually are. I mean, I've been in that situation myself where, you know, just a little appreciation, you can't believe how small appreciation or an appreciative word or an action how far it goes and how how deep it goes, because it's really important, the little things like thank you, you're appreciated. It's see you do some great work this week. Thanks a lot. That's all it is. And as long as it's done with sincerity, and you can tell us, I said, we know when we're get being given lip service. But if it's done with sincerity it can mean the world. It can give somebody the the impetus to to be re energized. And I've worked in places like yourself where done a hard graft, maybe work to shift in a half. Turn round to my life managerents and and said, you know, I think a lie. Manager looked me, so what's the matter? I probably had a face like thunder and I said well, you know, a little little appreciation wouldn't go and miss. And the Lineman I just simply stared at me and said this is your job. You shouldn't be thanked for doing your job. Get on with it. Yeah. So that always stayed with me and...

I thought, well, that is exactly the wrong way to deal with your colleagues, your staff, just another human being in general. It's quite a bottom almouch. It's quite what's the word? It's like totally yes, because that's how they feel they have to be. That's how a lot of people feel they have to be, especially in their jobs, they still have this mindset where they are given this mindset that, listen, you're here to do a particular task, you will complete that task and then you will go home and you know, in between the hours of whatever the hours are for your shift, you'll do what we want, when we want, how we want, and this is the job, don't forget that you applied for and this is the job that we agree to give you. It's almost like a contractual obligation. And again, going back to what I've said earlier, is this is something I'm passionate about, breaking the distance cycle, the stigma, this idea that we still at in the twenty one century. are still living with these very rigid parameters and we think we're getting the best out of employees. As an can affect a business, we prefer still to use the stick then the carrot. I mean they use the character in it in a very subtle, actually not say subtle way, but I mean you get all these benefits, perhaps, but the benefits aren't the real reason that people stay in the job. The benefits are. Do you like, excuse me, do you like who you are working for as a manager, and do you like the your colleagues and Co workers and the environment that you have to be in for eight hours or more. For most people, this is the difference between staying and leaving, and if they don't have the financial ability to leave, then this is the difference between them going on sick leaf and you as a business getting lower productivity. And this can all be avoided. This can be avoided very easily and it's simply we need to open our minds, have less fear, more positivity being be kind. You know that. We've been hearing that on Linkedin on all the other platforms. After you know, the Changity of Caroline flag is be kind. Well, we need to take that on board. Not only is individuals, with our friends and our family, and not only just in in in in the public arena, with strangers. We need to be like this in at work. We need to be kind at work because you you, you report you so and if we're going to show kind as we're going to show appreciation, we're going to get something back. We have this fear that we're not we have this there as human beings, that we are going to that we are facing unrequited love. It's almost theatrical it's almost like a drama. You know, Oh, I'm going to give this person my love and on, what happens if they don't love me back? We need to get over that and just be uncomfortable. Be Comfortable being uncomfortable. Just play it forward. You know it's far worse, but not in time. Those things up exactly. But again there's that feels that fear, just just trying to stop people. Oh but what if? And then they look back, which is another really bad idea, is to to look back and regret and go, Oh, you know, if I hadn't done that, would be all right today, and that is just that is not helping your situation. If you find yourself in a difficult situation, looking back with regret is not going to help you. You have got to look forward with positivity. No one saying being flippant about it. Oh well, you know, that's happened now. That's ridiculous. You know. You know. Oh well, I just lost my house, my car and my wife. But you know, life goes on now. No one's asking you to have this kind of cartoonish attitude. You're going to feel pain, as I've said again about fear. You're going to feel it, feel it, but don't let it control you. Do not under any circumstances give into it. The biggest...

...things always few years and as when I learned to drive. Yeah, I hate, I hate, wow, when I was learning to drive. I think as a person this is, you know, some of the work on. Yeah, to kind of hit the ground, run and weapons. I can struggle sometimes in that learning process and being patient and it's it's just, you know, realizing things time and you know, it's okay to feel vulnerable, it's okay correct. It's, as I said, come rush at the beginning of our conversation. It's within us, is in its inherence, inside us, it's in our DNA, it's in our building blocks. We have to feel that. It's normal. Would be psychopathic if we didn't. You know, even seasoned actors say that they still get butterflies before they go on stage. This is normal behavior, normal human behavior. So I listened to a podcast today actually, yeah, some up comedian called Joey did us your Cuban guys on Joe Ogan podcast. Quite a lot really funny guys and he and fifty seven, he said, even now when he goes on stage. Yeah, he's a massive going is quite a big, solid guy. Think scared stage. He said he went to Vegas to do a stund up night and he said it started panicky, started getting all like hot swear and he said it's hard to walk. We have to walk in between the code or hotel. Staking mind off. He said he started worrying about, you know, all the people are traveled to seeing because he said he wants to do his first show. He said people have put a lot of time and money and traveling to see him, got plans, flights toels, instead of just thinking about all of that. So once he was, you know, with the club managers, cause you've seen other comedians go off and doing the he said he kind of you know that, as I kind of got download, but he was saying they're once sure I'll do doing it. He said that the age is kind of goes a work when you're actually doing it's the initial putting the first step in front of the other. That's what it is. It's not knowing how it's going to go, which is ridiculous for us to ask these questions to ourselves and we just have to do it. Like I said you, the same thing with with jumping into and I see cold. Let you just do it and you'll soon find that. Or even yeah, if you get to the cold sea or a cold swim pool and it's the initial shock, once he starts something around, you're okay and you realize what Earth was I worried for before I jumped in. Is Similar. We also the other problem is, you said, with the COMEDIE and we put a lot of constraints on ourselves. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. He wants to give his best show, so he's put that pressure on himself right away and he's thinking about the audience. If he's thinking about giving his best show, then I'm afraid you only know you've done your best depending on how someone else has giving you feedback. so He's going to be worrying about the audience subconsciously. Well, I hope they like it. I hope to like the new material. This is again one of those negative voices which we have to learn to try and turn the volume down on. And if you do something for yourself, I think we can all agree that when you do something by yourself and for yourself, for the love of it, you do a great job. But when you start doing it for something for someone else. That's when I started doubting. But they won't like it. But you know they'll like it because you know that you can do what you do. But it's when we bring someone else or more into the picture we then start building the fear, and the more people, the more fear. Oh, I've got to do a public I'm going to do some public talking tomorrow in front of five people. Okay, small to moderate fear. Now, if...

I told you you could to go and do it, a public speaking in front of a crowd of five thousand, it goes to the roof. Your fear just goes absolutely stratospheric. But if we were just to try and consider I'm going to talk about something I know all about and I'm going to enjoy it because I'm I love talking about this particular subject, and he stopped even thinking about anybody else being there, being present. You're doing it for yourself. No, like sometimes I've heard them talk about footballers or in fact any sports people, and sometimes when the sports particular at the sports person starts losing their passion in a professional team and then the coach says, remember when you used to just play this game for fun, remember when you were a kid and you loved it. Try and tap into that and play like that again. This is, you know, this is so true and this is something we can use not only in sports but in absolutely everything in our everyday lives. Connecting with it because you love it, doing it because you love it, and this will give you confidence when you know how to do it, because it's almost part of you. It's almost intrinsic in you, almost like breathing. Oh, I can do that. I can do that in front of one person, I can do it in front of a thousand people. Makes no difference, because I know what I'm doing and I know what I'm doing because I love what I'm doing. Clothes, if you love a what if you love what you do. I mean, we've been doing this for now and eleven minutes. Yeah, it does, because it's, you know, it's all about. It's not exactly we love a fields exactly. And I could do this all day because I just love exploring possibilities potentials with other people and and hopefully opening open their minds out of everyone and having my mind opened up as well. I love having other people stories, because everybody can teach us something absolutely everybody. It's about providing values for peoples and giving some but or you know, someone else takes exactly from it, you know, to their life or it can made them think differently, who differently. That's what it or about. I had one guy podcast. There's a last course from that. He did his own podcasts, created because he got it. was inspired by yeah, I suppose. Yeah, because before I did this I put it off quite a while and I was scared before. I could have not done it, because it's what how old be going to think about it? Just do it. Yeah, if you just do it anyway, someone who is on your wavelength will love what you're doing and it will be just right for them. We don't have to be like other people. That's our biggest mistake, is stereotyping, being a carbon copy of someone else because they were successful doing that, so I'm going to do that and I'm going to do it in exactly the same way they did it. That does not how it works, to a degree, but it really it doesn't really work. It's not what we're looking for, either as customers, clients or just as ordinary humans. We're always looking for something a little bit different and different you don't even have to work at that. You are born different. When people say, and they use it, maybe marginally too much on linked in, but they say, you know, just be you. Really, what else can you be? I mean you can try and fake stuff, obviously, but people, as I said before, people know lip service. People know bs when they see it and hear it. And just just do what it is that you want to do, do what it is that drives you, do what it is that is your passion and don't even think about how other people do it. Do it the way you want to do it. Maybe you'll stumble on something absolutely fresh and brand new because you weren't influenced by someone else. It's from. Ask me of my my girlfriend. She she's...

...good be fashion design university. She's really, really passionate about clothes design and making clothes and shoes. She made her her friend dress. Yeah, so machine she res UPTI night making dress. Well, see Queens. So so it's the rights, blue netting onto it, all the stuff. Yeah, a couple of days through it, but I just love that when you know someone has got passion for something and it doesn't matter what time it is or how long it takes and you know it's seen my own results personal the round of that. He's happy with the dress and kind of ties in with the experience exactly with that. You know, it's like suits and watches and certain things are being crafted by someone. It's like, you know, smart, smooth, smart shoes are being designed by some guy and it's yes, somewhere shot. All these kind of you know, lots of different things are we kind of don't necessarily think about. But when I look at some stuff on my God, someone's actually bought about that design, spent time exactly. That's exactly how I am. I've really just like that, like you've just described. I hone in on these things now which I never used to think twice about it, and you look at something, you think someone's actually especially if it is handmade. After all that you said. They you get some lovely original handmade shoes and you think, you know someone's crafted that, someone's actually taken a lot of time to design and produce this, this thing in my hand, and it's just incredible and I love that. It's something special where you are taking the time to a prety. We're talking about appreciation before. You're taking the time to appreciate what someone has done because they love to do it. Could you imagine someone in like a handmade in the in the shoe industry, who made handmade shoes and who absolutely hated being there when they just make a terrible pair of shoes? Is it just hated every moment that they were there? They might know how to do it. Maybe they they are the son of a shoot of a cobbler and so they just grew up learning how to do it, but they have a dream to to be an archeologist and they just hate being there. You don't want to buy something made, buy someone like that. You want to you want to have the confidence that I know that the people who have produced this service or have made this item have their heart in this. And you pay all that extra absolutely because of work. It's like we are but we are get my hair cut. I's I'd like, yes, half an hour or so to town to get my hair cut, but it's because the guys are in there. They're really friendly, who have a could blah, engage with you. Some nice atmosphere and they they love what they do. You know, turn out every single time. Whereas you know, Robert Trouble somewhere go quite far have a nice experience of a good hard colet rather than do some my postpart but convenient. Exactly, absolutely right. I mean there you are. I mean you've seen it for yourself in a small business environment. They love what they do and they're going to get your custom even though they know you've had to trouble for thirty minutes in a car. I mean that speaks of volumes for them. That reflects so well on them and this is what businesses need to be doing up and down the country, if not the world. Is is going above and but and not even forcing yourself to go above and beyond, but going above and beyond because you love to go above and beyond, because the customer, of the client, can see the passion in what you do and they want some of that. It's like you're having a cake. You've got all this passion, got this energy. They want a piece of it. That's why you want to be close to these sort of people. Like I said that the guy in in the areas and the CAFFE coffee shop, he's got this...

...energy. You want a little bit of that and we need to make sure that companies and businesses are, I'll fertile ground for for this kind of energy and for promoting and producing happy, passionate staff. And if they're not, if they can't produce it, then they have to recruit it and they have to take more time and energy in finding people who genuinely want to work in that industry because they love it. And it's going to have a two way effect. But I thought I and start topic was on about mental health and expector has on with crimes and colleagues and it's it's kind of it. It is not going to Oh, absolutely it is. I mean we're going back to a point I raised earther, is that if people are unhappy to be or to work in a particular team, it's not jelling right. You've got too many people who don't understand each other, they miscommunicate. This is going to have a knock on effect. People aren't going to want to work in this environment. The salary is not going to be enough to keep people to begin with. It will the fear will always be there, but they will get a point. As it does, as it has done with me, is as it has done with you and with everybody, where you just don't care anymore, you break through. But in the meantime, it's someone's going to be away from work because of mental health issues, because they're just not enjoying their job for various reasons. This is having not only an effect on the industry, it's not only having an effect on the individual, the employee, staff member, it's also having a knock on effect with their family and friends back at home. You know, mental health is not something that is solitary, as much as we sort of advertise, the fact that we suggest that loneliness and feelings that we hide are part and parcel of this and it mental health can go unnoticed and therefore all mental health can have that sort of lonely tag. But a lot of the time those nearest and dearest to us know that something's wrong, even if we don't want to talk to them about it, even if we're trying to shield them from it, it's having an effect on them as well. This is something also that I'm passionate about, is the people who are in the family who maybe trying to deal with a member of their family or their friends who are suffering with mental health, because we we need to help those people get through what they're going through, to see their friend or their loved one deteriorating before their eyes. We need to help them ask the right questions, we need to help them feel to some degree what they're loved on maybe going through, and we should be trying to help them communicate this to their friend or loved one as well. They need support to and so, as as you see, I mean mental health. It may stem in the workplace, but it will go all the way home and it will affect those people at home as well, and this is this is a serious thing. I think we've we've done in work as well. There's also, like, I think, in space society as well. Like you know, there's a lot busterism. Of You live in city, lot going on around us, so there's all these like external stresses as well as absolutely I was doing without a doubt. People have always said, you know, if you live in the city, you can be surrounded by five million people in still feel completely alone. It's very, very true and I do not doubt at all that there are many people who are lonely despite having a lot of people around them, be at work, colleagues, family even you can still feel alone if you do not feel heard, you do not feel appreciated and most important if you don't feel you're understood, and we need to be aware of that. We cannot just use one or two senses to analyze those around us. We can't just look at use our eyes and maybe our ears to decide whether people around us are suffering with mental health. We need...

...to do more than that. We need to talk to people. This goes back right to the beginning of our conversation. We need to have real conversations with people. Just like the Chapin in the shop who put the advert in the window, we need to talk to people. We need to actually see who people are, we need to hear the intonations in their voice. We need to be looking at them in the eyes, we need to be really feeling the emotions coming off those people. We need to a tune ourselves. We used to do this. This used to be who we were years and years ago. We used to be far more tuned to other people's emotions and since the subsequent dawn and rise of the information age and the Technological Age, we seem to have lost that, with loss ability, not just you know, we use the world connect, but not just to connect, to actually feel what the other person is feeling. Empathy we call it now, but I mean it was just a sensory perception before. You wouldn't need to call it anything, you could just feel it, and we need to get that back because if we started using that a lot more, developing, a lot more evolving it, we'd be able to catch mental health in the very earliest stages because we'd we'd recognize that, and then people wouldn't have to put themselves through hell. It's a combination of a lot of things. It's US waking up, it's US being more honest with ourselves, asking difficult questions, facing off is it's us being more appreciative and thankful and grateful. Everything is combined, everything is linked and we just have to accept that fact rather than deny it. Well, it's almost like a large as awesome quote film says, by showing his lights as the life, the lights of rules to yeah, well, absolutely, but someone. Yeah, but going back to fear, which is, you know, what started our conversation of someone has to take the first step, and that is, as humans, our biggest fear. Oh, I have to do it first, do I? I'm afraid. So if no one else is going to do it, then you'll get you're going to have to do it. Otherwise we're always going to be sitting in the dark forever waiting for someone to pluck up the courage to do it. So you might as well do it. If you know something has to be done, just do it. Did you ever watch the documentary on Yes, yes, yes, ever watching those programs they're putting incredible you see, like you know, these different people, these different backgrounds and you know physical act weeks guy. Did you watch the last episode? No, now I haven't. I haven't done for a little while, but but you know, like those people and you wouldn't be see be able to copeen some these ronds. And then the three people from quite forty people. You know, that mental resilience. And then when they went behind the scenes spoke to them, they were saying they've been through some really bad things in some hard times, but it kind of gave them that resilience to push through all these things. Absolutely, absolutely. I'm a firm believer in all our EXP apearances building us all the time into the person that we are today, and that is what makes us extraordinary human beings. Those people you just talked about, you know they come from all walks of life, and yet they prove themselves capable. When they were put under pressure. They performed using the experiences that they had in their lives, and I think this is something that is very apt for business.

Again, going back to the whole point of trying to get to know your staff, your employees and your clients for that matter. They are more than the job they are applying for. They are more than the job they end up doing. They are complex human beings that are capable of incredible things. Sometimes they don't know it themselves, but if you are willing again to fight the fear and give them an opportunity, you could see great things occur. And again, all that we seem to do is we go back to the fear and we go back to simply doing things the way we've always done, because they're nice and safe and you know the outcome. But what if we were to take a risk and the outcome was even better? It better than we could possibly even have imagined? I'm just thinking as well. Think of all these companies, are successful, companies like called on, the starbucks, McDonald's, and you at these companies successful. You know that will start somewhere, and suppose sat. But a lot of these companies get established and a lot of down, a lot of fear. People say no, it will work out. Where they are now? These same concepts, these companies cut thought somewhere, these people who set them up. Yeah, I wrote an article recently talking about how people set businesses up, industries up, and it starts off with the person whose idea it was. It starts off with their idea, and what it feels like is that that person then wants to keep that idea working like that forever and ever, until the end of time, without realizing that ideas appliable, they're not fixed. They can be stretched and shrunk and, much like plaster. See you that you can play with the idea. And the idea of the business is to shape it, bend it, stretch it, do anything you need to do to make that industry evolve and ultimately survive, just like a living thing. And we can't do this alone. And idea is more than just one person. I mean you're going to involve other people in it any way, which means you may as well, not just may as well, you should involve their input as well into that idea. How can we evolve this company? How can we evolve this business and make it the best it can be? It's not going to be the best just continually doing the same thing you did yesterday. You can get away with that for so long, but eventually every industry has to change. It is keeping it fresh, and the only way to keep it freshest it is to keep asking for ideas. Although we aren't unlimited with our own ideas, we need inspiration and one of the fastest routes to get inspiration is from other people. Ask other people, get inspired from their stories, get inspired by their experiences. And again we're afraid. Fear. This is the biggest killer of everything, of our potential. Fear Strips our potential, and that's why that is a star as I'm concerned, certainly, and the way that I work is trying to build people up, build their confidence and diminish their fear. It's grow will work, but you do because when you go...

...over your yes, mentor the mentor of the more content right. Yes, I do. I do quite a quite a bit of mentoring at the moment for different reasons. Hence I have a few projects on my linkedin page which are similar but different. So one of the mentoring roles that I plays is mentoring people just starting out, entrepreneurs who are just starting out in business, who may never have done anything like this before, and to begin with, they are a mixture of fear and over confidence, which sounds crazy until you've met some of the people I've met, and they want to do everything and at the same time they're absolutely petrified of taking the first step to do it, and so my job is simply to temper them and to temper their emotions and to look at things as calmly as they're able to do and to look at it logically, but so also eliminate the fear that they have and let them know that they can do and make all their their dreams come true. But than the has to be a process and part of that process is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. So, yeah, that's that's part of what I do. The other thing I do is much like I'm doing with you right now. I don't is just talking about experiences in my life that have helped me through very, very difficult periods and how I hope I can inspire others too to fight another day, to know that things are possible and the bad things that you're going through won't last and you have the strength within too to carry on, to continue and to succeed. I've definitely seen a lot of things and done a lot of things in my life. As you probably saw on my profile, I worked for the police for twelve years and that was one of the steepest learning curves I think anyone can have. You will, without a doubt, see things that the average person doesn't see. You will do things that the average person doesn't do. You will be putting situations that are uncomfortable, that are tents that are very difficult to deal with and that you have to overcome your fear very, very quickly, and that really, that job was quite instrumental to making me the person that I am today. So I try and teach others through the experiences that I've had going from quiet book loving introverts to globetrotting business starting extrovert that I am today. We can change ourselves. We do have the power to do so. We never lose the person we were originally. I'm still I still love books. I'm like, I just got far too mini books. I just love reading books, not digitally. I actually like buying a book, you know, feeling it in my hands, smelling the pages. I just love having that. That that bad thing. It's the book itself becomes part of the adventure. So I'm still that person deep down. He's still in there. I've just added to it. I've just bolted on, and that's another fear that I think some people do have. They think they're going to change themselves and lose themselves. You're not. You're simply just going to bolt on extras. That's all. You are not going to change. You'll still be that same person. I'm still that person I was as a kid. I'm still still love books, I love being by myself, painting art. You know, all the Solo sports as well are solo he's as well. I'm still that introvert at heart, but I've also learned to enjoy extrovert of things and outgoing...

...things. It's just a Bolton. Yeah, you don't change yourself. Yeah, I didn't go from Oh, I'm no longer an introvert, now a' an extrovert and now I'm both. And I choose when when I want to be an introvert. Sometimes my body just tells me. You know, I don't want to go out tonight and he staying in and just reading next chapter of my book. I decide that I haven't changed. I've just given myself another dimension, as you said, another badge, another string to the boat. It's just something else now I can do. I became comfortable with being uncomfortable. I was very uncomfortable being an extrovert as a child. Now I'm comfortable with it. It's my certain got up bolence as well. Weel. Well, I can do this with them, you know, I can go home with a book or yeah, watch to do or it's wiser. It's born to have thought islands. As a person, I I I need to talk up Lens where you know you're like to the go and doing. But I say again, it all comes down to I think the central word of tonight's conversation is fear. Something is holding us back and we have to find out what that is and then we have to find out why that is and then we have to do it anyway. Yeah, so sometimes we don't want to go out in public. Is We're we're worried we don't look right or we just feel we don't bring enough value to the group. That we're going out with or that's a fear and we have to conquer that fear by trying to tell ourselves again the positives, which are look, I'm going to learn something, I'm going to see people, it's going to it's going to get me out the house, which is what I need and I want to learn. Even if I'm just listening in the background, I'm learning something from from these guys who I'm with. And sure, yeah, they may not think a lot of me, they may think I'm too quiet, I've got nothing of value to add, but I'm getting something out of it, even if they're not, and that it. See, that's that's that's overturning the negative into the positive. Negative is still there, still telling how you know they don't really think a lot of you and they don't think you bring much value. So you start thinking, well, for me, what am I getting out of it? I'm getting loads out of it, and start putting yourself first, start looking only the positives. It's kind of a you know, the next things just to quiet and down. They're always been quieting down, while you hear the positive a lot more louder. So riding those for yes, those in securities, replacing it with like. You know, it's basically wiring, isn't it? You know, like you're what you're luck. You're molding myself. You have that ability. We let other people mold us. We've all the moldest through school. We've let them with that are some maybe bad friendships and bad relationships mold us. We have to take that control which we can to mold ourselves. We have to just simply say no sometimes to the voices, these negative voices, those cynical voices in our head. Just say no, look, I'm not listening to this anymore. Yeah, I know you probably got some good facts, you're probably right about this and that, but guess what, I've weighed up the positives. They're actually far greater than the negatives and I'm just going to do it anyway. I think we feel as a whole. A lot of it stems, stems from white some of the blot system that still kind of both on experiences and yeah, it's it's a mixture of a lot of things. It's quite complex. It's a mixture of past experience. Once bit and twice shy. Basically, you've done it once. It didn't work out. I won't do it again. This is one of those negative voices that needs to be hushed. You tried it once, it didn't work out. Now try now, try it again,...

...because it's time. It might work out. We need to override that. It didn't work, all right, so it'll never work then is is that what you're telling me? That's what your head is telling it. Yes, it's what I'm telling you. You've tried it once, it didn't work, so they're what come? I say, well, I'm going to try it again, because maybe second time lucky, maybe third time lucky, maybe twenty five time lucky, but I'm going to keep trying it. You know, that's how I learned to eat. There's nothing I won't eat on this planet. I think I've tried most things and some things I've tried a quite visually disgusting, but I tried some foods when I was a kid and I didn't like it. I tried it again five years later and I loved it. It you have to keep trying things. I know there's another adage which you which people can reply to that and say, Oh, you know, foolishness is trying something and expecting a different reaction. Guess what, sometimes you do get a different reaction by trying it again, by doing the same thing again. Not every time. That's life for you. It nothing is guaranteed, but it is worth trying something again. No one saying going hammer and tongue at it and just keep keep hitting ahead against a wiping it. You know one day the walls going to break. No, that's foolishness. But try something once and return to it another time. Maybe your mood wasn't right, maybe you had the wrong tool at the time, maybe you know whatever, but try again. Don't listen to that fear that says he did it once and it failed to don't do it again. That is unhelpful. Look, we get the over wise would it? In mind everyone on that way, they get comfortable and being uncomfortable. That's what we have to do. Well, I brother to drive. I felt my first through time particled tos and I remember like second time. The first time was bad and then the second time I just got even worse. For you know, so easy to go on. You know what. I'm not going to bother, but put that again. You're whole. Regret, regret, and with it or when you push through, up the failing the something about completion. The greatest reward is after the hardest struggle. If it was really easy for you to pass your driving test, you wouldn't appreciate it. You appreciate it so much more, whether you're aware of it or not, but you do because of the struggle, because of the hardship it was for you to to finally get it, and now you appreciate it so much more because of them. And we all have that. Oh, trust me, I am one of the most frustrated people you will ever meet. When you know, when something doesn't go right. For me, I throw my toys out of the PRAMP, not share, not shame to say that I do, and then I calm down, I give myself a mental slap in the face and say put yourself together, and then I just take a deep breath and I crack on with it again. You're allowed, as I said before, you're allowed to have these feelings. It's normal. You're allowed to be afraid, completely normal. You're allowed to be angry, feel those feelings. If you didn't have these feelings, you'd be not only a widow but potentially a psychopath. You need to have these feelings and then just give yourself a talking to, speak positivity, see how the positive overrides the negative. You're going to get far more out of it when you finally win, complete conquer, have success. So do it again and don't. What we do is we have, and it's probably part and parcel of the age we're living in. We have such high expectations of ourselves because we compare ourselves so much more than any other time, I think, in the history of mankind. You know, we have social media bombarding us with perfect images, perfect relationships, perfect careers, perfect businesses, and it it takes its toll on us, and then we become really hard on ourselves to achieve that same thing and we really don't have a clue how those people either achieved it or whether they really did achieve it anyway. So we...

...need to stop being so hard on ourselves, getting so angry or afraid because we can't do something, and we just need to quietly remind ourselves that the positive of is far greater than the negative and we need to just have less fear and more positivity. You Agree? I mean, look at me, I'm forty all the am I for I I to think of that for a minute. I'm I'll be forty seven this year and I'm starting yeah, and I'm starting from zero. Oh well, I could be afraid, I couldn't just run away and into a corner and cry and say, well, you know, I've lost everything and I'm never going to make it, but that's simply isn't true. So I have every positivity, every positive thought in my mind that I'm going to make a success. And success it isn't necessarily I like talking about success. Success is not making money, having a lot of friends, having the Dream House, car or career at that is not success. Success is living life by your own rules and reaching the standards that you have set yourself. So if you set the standard to be happy and you attack that, you have a you've reached success. So I you know, I tell people again, don't have this fear. You have to learn to fight it. I'm living proof that you can succeed and fail and then start again. HMM. Morel really loved that and I think there's it's kind of a misconception with success. I think, and a lot of people think that sucks. Success, as you know, having the latest thing, you know, the newest car, but what the thing. That what it is deep down is, you know, that's that that person's thinking about what other people think of them. So they're, you know, chasing this because it's I think success society has told us next month that is a definition and we need to take that back and say that isn't a definition of success at all. That's simply just the definition of accruing a lot in life, either because you can and you have the money, congratulations, or you haven't got the money in your buying all on credit. Either way, are you happy? Has It made you ultimately, at the end of the day, has it made you happy? If it has, that's great. M You found out what it does to make you tick, and that's clearly having money to buy your products. We can talk about that on another on another chat, but you know that has its own issues. But well, you know, really, on a shallow level, congratulations if you found yourself that that is what makes you happy. But more and more of US are realizing that that is not enough. In fact, it wasn't even adequate, and we're finding that we need something different, and it's it's happiness that can't be bought. It's appreciation, it's love, it's being who we want to be, who we really are, without apologies, and that, for me, is a definition of success. Living Life on your terms, not anyone else, is not societies, not your communities, not your industries. Live it on your terms. I think if you live your life in your own servers and it is water ays, is because again, so you're living on your terms. And guess what, your terms are not going to include fear, because that would be ridiculous for anyone to have that in their contract with themselves. I'm going to be afraid? No, it's going to be. I'm going to live with...

...if you're living without fear on your terms, yeah, the world is indeed your oyster. I think with what you mentioned, earl the conversation was how you manage fear, and it's like you said, you went keep boxing. It's kind of taken that I thought I was going to get. As it's tracing the fear. It's almost, and I'm sure something that contrius psychologist would even say. It's slightly a suicidal mentality, it's a self harm mentality and but potentially it's harmful because I didn't care what was going to happen to me. It was like I just threw caution to the wind. I just said fate take me. If I'm going to get my lights punched out and, you know, be lying on a crumpled heap, then so beet. I look forward to it. And I went there and it didn't happen. And when it didn't happen, that's when I thought, well, what on earth was I being so negative for? You luck you going for an interview in a job and you thinking are there going to hate me? They're going to hate the clothes I'm wearing, they're going to hate my accent, they're going to hate my new hair car up, and you go there and they don't, and then you actually have a laugh. But you know, someone breaks the eyes, someone says something funny, everybody starts laughing and you come out that into anything. What that was I afraid of. They're just human beings. They had haircuts, they had horrible clothes. You know what am I worried about? It's all it is irrational, irrastional, irrational thinking, isn't it? It's not in the here and then it's prevented you, if there is, prevented us all up in the Earth's to stop us getting into situations that we think we cannot cope with and unfortunately, for our fear, we can cope with it and we cope very well with it. We put under the right amount of pressure, correctly applied, we can use our imagination and our resources and our experiences to conquer anything. Often that's why it's important sometimes like reflects and look at how far you've come, asn't it in some scenarios, like if something challenging you, you were flat back and you kind of refer back two times absolutely where you might have felt a certain work and often a kind of reframes up perspective and some Snorgas, and you can't have them. That anxiety to kind of dies down a little bit. Nothing. Yeah, I've been through XYZER, so they're correct. Isn's exactly what anything compared to that? It's exactly right. That's exactly how we have to use our muscle memory. We have to remember there are times in our life that we have gone through incredibly hard times and we've survived, because that's that's how we're here right now, and if we've survived that, we can survive other things, even if it's something new and unrelated. The fact is we were able to survive and we can do so again. There is nothing, there is no reason why we can't survive. I was just thinking as well with the coronavirus, people being far full and buying toiletle and all of us, we know we're going to survive it. So, I mean people have done any people realize there are enough that negativity and fear actually have psycho somatic attributes, which means that basically, if you think negatively, it will actually and has the potential to take on a physical attribute in the body and the mind, which is another yeah, fantastic reason to think positively, especially, especially, especially when things are going wrong. HMM. We can all think positively when things are going right, hmm. But we have to train ourselves to actually make ourselves do something we we're not comfortable with, which is thinking positively in some of the darkest times of our lives. And you're right, with a coronavirus. Let's talk about the coronavirus. Then is a sense that people have been panicking. That's why they've been stopped by stop pilot. Yeah, we've saw right. We've got a lot of fully seconds loved for this cuts off. I don't know. You're welcome to say times been a pleasure in the podcast with you. Not at all. Only it's been a free things for me, being able to meet people, and I hope that this podcast is...

...going to inspire some people or help some people. That's all I hope for. Yeah, funk, you agin really thank you, an thank definitely do it again. I take care. Take Care, edge and thank you.

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